Dirty Diapers, Pureed Peas, and Other Joys of Motherhood

Okay So I Lied

2011-07-28T11:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I lied. I am totally done with this blog.

I didn't mean to lie, I just decided recently that my posts have outgrown the Dirty Diapers theme. So we're switching it up a bit. I've started something a bit new over here. I decided to transfer some of my best posts and anything related to the new blog to Blended Family. Very simple name, I know. But I intend to make some cool banners and hopefully settle my designing issues that I've had recently.

I will leave this blog up because some of my posts are backlinked to this blog. But I really hope you will follow me at my new home.

Thanks everyone!

I'm Not Finished With This Blog!

2011-07-05T10:53:00.000-04:00

Once again, I got wrapped up in court cases, work, the holidays, the kids and family life in general. Ant's younger brother and his girlfriend have been sort of (well, completely) living with us for the summer and that in itself is stressful. I am inclined to beleive that I was far more mature at the age of 18, but I'm sure if I were able to see my 18-year-old self again that I may feel differently.

Anyway, the point of this post is to inform those of you who follow me that I will be again working on the aesthetics of this blog; and to inform those of you that I follow that I haven't been a good blog-friend and checked up on any of you for quite a while. Most of you could quite possibly be remarried or have more children or, who knows, maybe a bomb went off in your city and I never knew the difference. (My bad.)

I am going to try to catch up on everything this week. So don't lose hope in me yet!

Custody and Visitation Dispute: It's SO Over!

2011-07-01T09:53:00.000-04:00

Tuesday was our final trial. No seriously, it's actually over this time.

As I presumed, W. was a no-show. The courts ordered that he is permitted supervised visitation after her jumps through a number of hoops, including paying off his portion of the fees to the guardian ad litem, submit to a hair follicle drug test and coming back to court or mediation to set up an official visitation schedule. Even after all of those steps, W. will only be receiving supervised visitation with Jellybean as the court ordered. And if he didn't care enough to jump through those (same exact) hoops while we were in the middle of the court case, I just don't see him starting all over anytime soon.

Dealing With A Bi-Polar Ex: FML

2011-06-14T14:58:00.000-04:00

Someone please shoot me. Just shoot me in the face and get it all over with now.

Today, just three weeks after terminating the visitation schedule and failing to show up to our pretrial, W. sent me the following text message. (Yes, this is how he actually types. I'm pretty sure he may be mentally challenged.)

"Hey amie its w. This is my new number. If its 0k with u maybe u w00d let babysitter watch me c jellybean. it w00d mean l0t t0 me. If n0t i understand."

~

Dear W.

Please, for the love of God, make up your f*****g mind. If you are going to attempt to be something more than a sperm-donor, that would be just fabulous for Jellybean. However, you will have to excuse me if I don't believe you, as you have made this "attempt" about 67 times in the past year. Just sayin'.

If you are going to realize that you are a worthless piece of s**t and back out, that would be equally fabulous for Jellybean. I am assuming that it would be more emotionally and mentally beneficial for her to never see you at all rather than have you pop in and out of her life randomly, loving her for a day or two and then disappearing for weeks at a time. And if you choose to back out all together, this would be a prime opportunity to do so, as she currently has no idea who you are. When shown photos, she just looks confused and asks if the picture is of her uncle. Don't be offended, it's nothing personal. It's just that you've been pretty useless throughout her entire life and, well, she doesn't know any better.

Oh, and since you failed to show up for court or basically do anything that you were supposed to, I am forced to spend even more money on this ordeal. You know, money that could go towards providing for ~~our~~ my daughter. (That little girl that I was always nagging you about raising and whatnot.) So if you could pull your head out of your a** long enough to get everything taken care of, that would be just phenomenal.

Please accept my most sincere congratulations on getting what you've always wanted: me off your back and Jellybean off your lap. I sure hope you are enjoying yourself. And if you are interested in any sound advice, and I'd say that by now it is fairly obvious that you aren't, I highly recommend that you take this opportunity and run. We wouldn't want anymore unwanted responsibility and all that baby-raising bulls*** to interfere with your drinking and drugging.

Once again, congratulations on your glamorous new life. Hope it was worth it.

With All My Respect,
Amie

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part VI: Do What They Say!

2011-06-03T14:56:00.000-04:00

At our last court date, I finally received the report from the guardian ad litem that I'd been ~~so patiently~~ awaiting. If you read my last post, then you are already aware that W. failed to show up to the pretrial. If you've read anything on this blog before, then you aren't surprised.

Apparently, showing up for court isn't the only thing that W. hasn't been doing. According to the report from the guardian, W. never paid the $250 retainer, returned her phone calls, accepted the documents she mailed to him or completed the court-ordered hair follicle test. What he did manage to do is set up a meeting with the guardian ad litem (to which he never showed up at all), then later completely terminate his visitation schedule with Jellybean, telling the guardian that he is done with the whole ordeal.

Although the reports from Safe House stated that W. appeared to be responsible and reliable during his visits there, the guardian ad litem stated in her report that she could not recommend unsupervised visitation at this time. Let's face it, throughout the time that we have been in the court system (just since October) W. has had resided at three different addresses, bounced back and forth with two different employers, and went an extended period of time without a reliable phone number. He has also bounced back and forth--on record--between wanting to be a part of Jellybean's life and backing out all together. If this doesn't scream UNSTABLE, then I don't know what does.

This report is a vital piece of information--not only to our case, but to the judgemental eyes that have been watching over my shoulder. Yes, even though I'm the reliable parent who is looking out for my child, I have still received some pretty harsh judgement.. It's only natural, I suppose. Friends and relatives of W. wouldn't want to admit that it is their guy who screwed up. So they deem me a wicked baby-hoarder, using my child as a tool to punish my poor, innocent ex who just wants to love his family, dammit!

Truthfully, it really wouldn't matter if I were a wicked baby-hoarder, using my child as a tool and such. The court system isn't going to throw out a good parent. Or even a half-ass parent who may be capable of keeping their child alive for a few hours. His parental rights or lack thereof is in no way my decision. All I can do, is present the evidence (See: this, this, THIS, this, and this.) and let the courts decide what is best according to the law.

Your final tip in How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem is to do whatever he/she says. Easy enough for all of you parents who are worth half a lick. For the rest of you, well, you probably don't care enough to be researching this kind of information, so likely aren't even here. Best of luck to all of you who are looking out for your child(ren)!

Custody & Visitation Dispute: When Your Baby Daddy Is A Piece Of You-Know-What

2011-05-27T14:53:00.001-04:00

Of course, fighting for supervised visitation between your daughter and her father can be an easy fight when your baby daddy is as big of a mess as mine. For a while there, he really had some people fooled. He was attending his visits at Safe House pretty regularly, and almost always provided dinner during their visits. But W. is a notorious screw-up, and those of us who know him well enough knew he would screw this up eventually. As I had hoped, he screwed it up before he was granted unsupervised visitation.

At our last court date when our guardian ad litem was appointed, both W. and I were instructed to provide her with our current addresses and phone numbers, as well as $250 each. The address which he provided the guardian was the address to his mom's house, instead of his sister's house where he was living just a couple of months ago. The information she mailed to him was sent back to her office and deemed "refused." W. was unable to provide her with a current phone number other than his work number, which she called multiple times and never received a call back.

Eventually, she gave up on the information that he had provided her and asked me for any contact information that I may have had. I gave her his old cell phone number as well as his sister's phone number. I also took the time to express to her my concern that if W. were to have my baby girl for the weekend, how would I get a hold of him? What if he needed to contact someone in the event of an emergency? And where exactly would they be staying that night?

The first Wednesday in May, I received a phone call from Safe House to inform me that W. had cancelled visitation for the day. The following Wednesday, I received another phone call to notify me of W.'s cancellation. Finally, I received yet another phone call the following week to inform me that our visitation schedule had been terminated. Since everything was planned to be settled at our upcoming court date, there was no need to worry about rescheduling lost visitation time.

When I woke up the morning of our court date, I was pumped. I thought, This is it! This is the end! No more court dates, no more wondering, no more drama! This was to be the do-all-end-all of this battle. Or at least it would have been... if W. had shown up.

(C'mon... where's your surprised face?)

In a normal case with a judge, we would have been able to move forward without W.'s presence. But this complicated situation becomes even more complicated because the judge that was assigned to our case retired last month and we were stuck with a magistrate. Apparently, a magistrate would have been able to help us move forward but only with W. present.

Don't feel bad if you're lost, because I'm right there with you. This was as much as I was able to understand from what my lawyer explained to me and I'm pretty sure she was dumbing it down a bit. All I really know now is that we have been assigned yet another court date (our fifth one for those of you keeping score) with a judge. I have been told that we can move forward with or without W.'s presence. However, at this point I am losing hope that this endeavor will ever actually end--this all very well could be a conspiracy in which W. has joined forces with my lawyer to ensure that I will be forever broke and in a constant state of wondering what the f*ck is going to happen.

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part V: Drug Testing

2011-05-25T12:25:00.004-04:00

In a custody/visitation dispute, if one parent is accused of abusing illegal drugs, then both parents are required to be tested. Since W.'s long-term drug use is one of my grounds for supervised visitation, the court system has ordered that we both submit to a 90-day hair follicle test.

Drug testing is a real possibility in any case involving children. To be frank, this part freakin' sucks. I said goodbye to $60 and a small chunk of my hair, and I wasn't doing drugs in the first place!

So Part V of How To Impress a Guardian Ad Litem: Drugs are bad.

SEE ALSO:
Introduction to How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem
Part I: The Initial Meeting
Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection
Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction
Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

2011-05-21T16:16:00.003-04:00

In Part I of this discussion, I pointed out that witnesses are an important piece to the puzzle. Your guardian ad litem will probably request up to four witnesses who may be related to your case. Do not skimp on this part, it is very important!

I would advise you to not to list any family members as witnesses, unless they were present to witness a particular act of violence or something key to your case. Otherwise, it would be best to compose a list of other people involved in your life, maybe babysitters, employers, neighbors and mutual acquaintances between you and your ex. Make sure you ask each individual for their permission before submitting their information to the guardian.

The guardian ad litem sent letters to each of my witnesses to let them know that whatever they say is not confidential and will ultimately be shared with each party. Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell you that they don't want to be involved--so instead of calling the witnesses, she gives them a no-pressure way to back out of the situation by asking them to contact her at their convenience. She also sent letter to my babysitter, who provides full-time daycare for my daughter while I am at work.

My first witness was my boss. She has been my employer for four years and can attest to the fact that I hold down a steady job, am responsible, and am always looking out for my daughter. She can also attest that any time Jellybean has had a doctor appointment or has been sick, I have been the parent to call off work to take care of her.

My second witness was a woman that I babysit for. I have babysat her five children for the past two to three years. She has known me to be reliable and trusts me to take care of her children. She can attest that any time I have babysat for her since the birth of my daughter, I have had to bring her with me because her dad would not watch her. Even during overnight stays.

My third witness is my neighbor. She and her family have been our friends/neighbors since we moved into the area two years ago. She was more so W.'s friend in the beginning, as he got to know everyone in the neighborhood better than I did. W. has even spoken with her a little bit about the abuse he received from his parents as a child. After our daughter was born and as time went on, she was there to witness W.'s lack of interest in Jellybean, the late nights out, and the purposely not coming home until her bedtime.

My fourth and final witness is a good friend of mine. She has been my friend for the past two or three years and was one of the few people with whom I shared my problems through a difficult time. She can attest to the fact that, even when W. and I were together, Jellybean came with my everywhere because he would not stay home with her.

I noticed that my witnesses and the guardian had played phone tag for a few days before they were finally able to speak. There came a moment when I began to worry that she wasn't going to gather all of the necessary information from them. But she followed through and made sure to speak in depth with each of them. She asked questions regarding what qualities they admire about me, what they think makes me a good custodial parent, my interaction with Jellybean, any known interaction between W. and Jellybean, how Jellybean is progressing for her age, any behavioral issues they have noticed and if they think the separation has affected Jellybean in any way.

My babysitter also had the opportunity to speak with the guardian ad litem. The questions that the guardian asked Babysitter were more directly related to Jellybean and her well being. She made sure that Jellybean has been hitting her developmental marks for her age, that she is healthy, eats well and is well taken care of. Also, to assure that Jellybean is healthy and well taken care of, the guardian was sure to speak with Jellybean's primary physician, something you should also be prepared for.

A great deal of your guardian's recommendation will depend on third-party statements, so the answers given by these witnesses are more valuable than the diamond ring you used to wear.

SEE ALSO:
Introduction to How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem
Part I: The Initial Meeting
Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection
Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction

2011-05-12T09:28:00.003-04:00

In order to compose a full report, the guardian ad litem needs to inspect each home and also see how the child interacts with each parent. The guardian will typically speak with the child(ren) in confidence in order to see his/her perspective on parents and living arrangements. Our case is different for two reasons: 1) Jellybean can barely string two words together, let alone form sentences. Interviewing her would be, well, pointless; and 2) W. only sees Jellybean through supervised visitation at Safe House, so the guardian cannot witness their interaction at his home.

So on the Wednesday before Easter, the guardian visited W. and Jellybean at Safe House. I am really, really, really glad the guardian picked that particular Wednesday to visit Safe House. Being the Wednesday before Easter, every child left that building with an Easter basket from their non-custodial parent... except mine. I hope that is something the guardian noticed. Don't get me wrong--all three of our kids received Easter baskets from me and Ant, my parents, Ant's parents and even our babysitter. There was certainly no shortage of Easter baskets this year. It's just something that a supposed "dad" should do for his child. Period.

The guardian will have to schedule another date to inspect wherever W.'s grungy ass is living these days. She told me at our initial meeting that whether or not he has prepared for her possible overnight stays, for instance, by providing her a room or her own bed, will be a major deciding factor regarding unsupervised visitation and overnight stays. Her point is that if he really wants Schedule A, he better have something ready for her if/when that happens.

She did, however, have the opportunity to visit my home on the Monday after Easter. After hours of preparing for her inspection, I was confident and ready. To my surprise, she didn't examine any single room in my house. She didn't look in the kitchen to make sure that healthy snacks are available, or peek into the bathroom to be sure that there aren't cleaning products on a low shelf. In fact, it appeared that there was no sort of evaluation at all. I'm sure she noticed little things, like the cleanliness of our home, outlet covers in all sockets, etc. All the same, I find myself feeling a bit bummed out that she didn't even so much as glance at the kitchen I scrubbed for hours. Although she brought a pen and pad with her, she didn't write down a single thing. Instead, she sat on the floor with me and Jellybean while we played with her dollhouse and read almost every Dr. Seuss book in the book shelf.

I have to assume that her lack of interest in all of the things that I prepared for is due to the fact that no one is questioning my ability to take care of Jellybean. No one has even so much as suggested that I am anything close to an unfit parent, so why would she waste her time with a detailed inspection of a home from which the child will not be removed? Either that, or it was so clean upon first glance that she didn't even need to inspect the rest of the house--because, really, we went a little overkill on the cleaning.

All I can do now is wait. I will not see the report from the guardian ad litem or even Safe House until we go back to court. I understand that this is how the system works, but I can't help but feel frusterated. Sometimes I feel like, as her mother, I should be permitted to demand answers. But, the guardian ad litem and the people at Safe House are the ones who are able to give Jellybean a voice and speak out for what is best for her--so it's probably a good idea to keep my mouth shut and avoid pissing off the people who are going to help our case.

I hope that these posts will help someone, whether you are following me as I go through this journey or whether Google leads you to this article two years down the road. I feel like maybe I should add a disclaimer to tell everyone that I am no expert, just a regular mom trying to raise my daughter in the most stable situation possible. And I hope that by sharing my thoughts and experiences I may shed some light on the situation for those of you who are going through something similar. Or, at the very least, let you know that you are not alone. No matter what time it is or where you are, somewhere out there is another frusterated and confused woman who just wants to do the right thing for her kids.

SEE ALSO:
Introduction to How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem
Part I: The Initial Meeting
Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection

UPDATE:
Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection

2011-05-05T11:18:00.001-04:00

In order to compose a full report, a guardian ad litem must inspect the homes of each parent. Our home inspection was scheduled for the Monday after Easter. Which meant that our usual half-ass clean-up routine wasn't going to cut it.

Having three children under the age of three means that cleaning the apartment a week before the inspection would have been pointless--it would have inevitably be destroyed within two hours. I'm afraid when you have this many toddlers, the only way to guarantee that the house will stay clean, is to clean it after they go to sleep ~~and tie them to chairs up awakening~~. So after hours of running around doing the family 'thang, we stayed up until 1:00 in the morning to scrub the place down.

I have since discussed this situation with other people who have been through the system. They have brought to my attention the fact that if a guardian ad litem comes into your home and sees it looking perfectly spic-and-span, she is probably going to know that you went through all of the extra trouble just to impress her and will assume that your home is never that clean. And, let's face it, she would be absolutely right to assume that. It is my argument, however, that a guardian ad litem will expect your family to do a little extra cleaning prior to her arrival and if you leave it looking as half-ass as it normally does, she will probably assume that your home is even less clean on a daily basis. It is up to you which side you take on this. We chose to play it safe and ultra-clean the house.

I mentioned before that I have searched the internet up and down for an article about what the guardian will be looking for specifically. The only thing I have learned after hours of searching, is that the guardian ad litem is looking for a child-friendly home in which your child(ren) will thrive and succeed. Pretty generic, I know. So we came up with our own interpretation of what that means.

Children's Rooms
The guardian ad litem will be looking for a kid-friendly home. This, of course, begins in the child's room.
The guardian wants to make sure that each child has his/her own space and their own bed. I feel like I shouldn't even have to point out that boys should have separate rooms from girls, which may not be an issue with children so young, but no matter how old they are I just find that... weird.

Baby or safety-proofing is vital. We made sure that all outlet protectors were plugged in, the blinds chords were wrapped up and out of reach, and only age-appropriate toys were at the kids' level. I wiped down the dresser and even took the time to wipe out each speck of dust between the bars of Jellybean's crib. The floors were swept, beds were made, and books and educational toys were displayed neatly on shelves.

Now, Ant went a little overboard and began reorganizing closets. I thought that was just a tad overdoing it, as I'm sure we wouldn't be judged for having disorganized closet space. But, I guess we needed a good spring-cleaning anyway and I didn't have to do it so more power to 'im.

Bathroom
I thought the bathroom would be a biggie. The tub, sink and toilet were given a good scrub down. Instead of a lock on the bathroom cabinet, all cleaners were put on the top shelf of the linen closet and the bathroom cabinet was filled with bath toys and baby lotion. A large, green octopus with purple polka dots is our spout cover, and--although the tub is clean--we spread a few toys across the tub for the kid-friendly look. I debated for a moment on putting away the naked-baby-butt-photos we have proudly displayed on the bathroom shelf... But I don't know a mom that doesn't have a few of those for public display so I just left them.

Living Room
Since this is typically where our family spends the majority of our time, most of the baby-proofing and safety concerns were already taken care of. There is usually one bin of toys left out in the open, a stack of Nick Jr. DVDs near the TV, and a thousand baby pictures covering the walls. Aside from scrubbing fruit punch stains out of the carpet and wiping a few fingerprints off the walls, this room was ready from the get-go.

Parents' Bedroom
Our apartment is oddly designed. The first floor is our bedroom (which was actually a second living room that we had to convert into a bedroom when Ant and the boys moved in) and the rest of the apartment, including the kitchen, living room, bathroom and kids' bedrooms, are all located upstairs. Yes, that is different and, yes, it is an enormous pain in the ass.

Anyway, unless your children are spending a great deal of time in your bedroom--and I really don't see why they should--then a quick cleanup will probably suffice. Since our bedroom is on an entirely different floor than the rest of our home and the children are not allowed anywhere near the staircase, our bedroom is pretty much a kid-free zone.

Kitchen
Obviously, this room is pretty important. This is where you prepare food for your family, this is where your children eat and the kitchen table is where they do many of their activities. I stayed up until 1:00 a.m. scrubbing this room down. You all know the basics, mop the floor, wipe off the counters, etc. But if you're going for a really clean look, don't pass over:

Dirty fingerprints on the refrigerator door. (It doesn't hurt to quickly wipe out the inside either!)
Inside of the microwave--I guarantee you have spaghetti-o splats.
The wall near where the children sit. You might be surprised at the splattered food you missed before.
The wall and floor near the garbage can.

It is important to make sure your fridge is fully stocked with milk and juice. Your cupboards should also be full of nutritious snacks but we also kept in a few junk-foody snacks because, well, we do give the kids an occasional bowl of Cheetos and that's normal, so why hide it? To even things out, we also set a bowl of fruit on the kitchen table.

Back to the "kid-friendly look," we set out their Disney place mats and put a few colored pictures on the refrigerator.

So we didn't get to bed until after 1:00 Monday morning, but we could sleep sound knowing that we were 100% ready for this inspection.

SEE ALSO:
Introduction to How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem
Part I: The Initial Meeting

UPDATE:
Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction
Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem Part I: Initial Meeting

2011-04-28T09:20:00.003-04:00

In Part I of How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem, I will be discussing the initial meeting. Which, as everything does in the court system, costs some big bucks.

The cost of the guardian ad litem probably varies depending on the court and the guardian that has been assigned to your case. The judge ordered both W. and I to pay $250 to our guardian within seven days of our last court date. (For the mathematically challenged, that means the money was due by the fourteenth of April.) This money will work as a retainer, much like when you pay a lawyer. It is important to be prompt in everything while you are in the court system.

As I've mentioned before, you need to always be respectful to your guardian ad litem. In fact, you should be respectful of everyone else when you're around your guardian. This means no bashing your ex. It is one thing to state the facts, but bashing the father of your child(ren) is disrespectful to both your ex and your child(ren). The guardian will not look upon this lightly. Even though my daughter is only eighteen months old, I requested that the guardian and I first meet without Jellybean's presence so that she would not have to hear anything negative about her father. This is something that the guardians are trained to look for specifically, so we agreed to meet at her office without Jellybean, and she thought that it was great that I would think of that.
During our first meeting, I filled out several forms with all of my information: past drug use, alcohol use, if I smoke cigarettes, who is living in my household, health concerns, etc. I had to fill out the same information about W., and I also had to fill out another form about Jellybean.

The guardian will then ask you what your concerns are and why you are fighting for whatever it is you are fighting for--in my case, it is restricted visitation under supervision based on W.'s drug/alcohol abuse and psychological instability. This is your chance to be heard, so don't blow it. I told her the facts about the situation. I told her that W. has admitted that he cannot handle taking care of her on his own, that he has never taken her to the doctor or given her a bath, that he has never gotten up with her in the middle of the night. I told her about all the times I asked him to sit with her so I could shower or use the bathroom and he left her in the pack-n-play to cry by herself.

What you don't want to do, is go into detail about how things didn't work out between you two. She doesn't want to know that he cheated on you with your best friend on your birthday or that you smashed his Xbox to pieces or anything related to that matter. Those types of issues are between you and your ex, and have nothing to do with the well-being of the child. So, please, don't ramble on like a crazy lady and show just how hurt and broken he left you. This will make you look like a scorned woman who was left so hurt by an ex that you are now being vengeful and using your child to hurt him. (And if that is what you are doing, then shame on you.)

Another important piece to this puzzle are your witnesses. Do not skimp on this part, it is very important. My guardian requested up to four witnesses who would have any information related to my case. I decided not to use any family members as witnesses. Your family will side up with you on anything and everyone knows that. I chose a mixture of business associates, friends and neighbors.

My first witness is my boss. She has been my employer for four years and can attest to the fact that I hold down a steady job, am responsible, and am always looking out for my daughter. She can also attest that any time Jellybean has had a doctor appointment or has been sick, I have been the one to call off work to take care of her.

My second witness is a woman that I babysit for. I have babysat her five children for the past two to three years. She has known be to be reliable and trusts me to take care of her children. She can attest that any time I have babysat for her since the birth of my daughter, I have had to bring her with me because her dad would not watch her. Even during overnight stays.

My third witness is my neighbor. She and her family have been our friends/neighbors since we moved into the area two years ago. She was more so W.'s friend in the beginning, as he got to know everyone better than I did. W. has even spoken with her a little bit about the abuse he received from his parents as a child. After our daughter was born and as time went on, she was there to witness W.'s lack of interest in Jellybean, the late nights out, and the purposely not coming home until her bedtime.

My fourth and final witness is a good friend of mine. She has been my friend for the past two or three years and was one of the few people with whom I shared my problems through a difficult time. She can attest to the fact that, even when W. and I were together, Jellybean came with my everywhere because he would not stay home with her.

These are the kinds of witnesses that you will want to have in your case. Make sure you ask each individual for their permission before submitting their information to your guardian. The guardian told me that she will mail letters out to each of them to let them know that whatever they say is not confidential and will ultimately be shared with each party. Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell you that they don't want to be involved--so instead of calling the witnesses, she gives them a no-pressure way to back out of the situation by asking them to contact her at their convenience.

After speaking with her for about an hour, she told me that our next step was for her to see how Jellybean interacts with each parent and she will also need to inspect each home.

SEE ALSO:
Introduction to How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem

UPDATE:
Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection
Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction
Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem.

2011-04-27T08:50:00.001-04:00

For those of you just joining us in this never-ending divorce/custody/visitation/bullshit battle, you can catch up here, here, here and here. And most recently, here. All caught up? Good. Then you already know that we have been assigned a Guardian Ad Litem, who is basically a court-appointed lawyer for the best interest of the child. She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care about W. She just cares about what is best for Jellybean. Which is great.

In order to get a full report, the guardian needs to hear both sides of the story from each parent. She also needs to do a home inspection of each home and to see how the child interacts with each parent. In most cases, the guardian will speak privately with the child(ren), but since my child cannot form real sentences, she probably won't be interviewing her. After all that, she will write a report on the entire situation and make a recommendation to the court.

I have scoured the internet looking for some sort of reading material on how to impress the Guardian Ad Litem. There is absolutely nothing out there. Not that I am trying to hide anything, I just want to be as prepared as humanly possible. And since there isn't anything out there, it looks like it's up to me.

So begins my series of How To Impress The Guardian Ad Litem.

The most important thing to remember is that this lady is going to make or break your case. Whether you are fighting for custody, trying to obtain visitation, or aiming to keep someone potentially dangerous out of your child's life, she is your lifeline and the court is likely to make a decision based on her report. (And by "likely to" I mean your entire case depends on that report.) She's kind of a big deal.

The second most important thing about a guardian ad litem is that she is there for your child(ren), not you. Nor is she siding up with the other parent. She doesn't care that he cheated on you with your best friend on your birthday or that you threw all of his belongings out the window when you caught him. So don't waste her time or your breath going on and on about such things. She is looking out for the best interest of your child, which is what you should be focused on as well; so you two should see eye-to-eye on many things based on this point.

The last important piece of information that I would like to point out about a guardian ad litem, is that time is money. And her time is worth about $100/hour. You can be respectful to your bank account by being respectful of her time.

UPDATE:
Part I: The Initial Meeting
Part II: Preparing For The Home Inspection
Part III: The Home Inspection & Parent/Child Interaction
Part IV: Consulting The Witnesses

Easter (It's More Fun With Kids!)

2011-04-25T10:52:00.001-04:00

Holidays are difficult in blended families. You have to make sure that everyone gets to see the kids and the kids get to see everyone.

So on Saturday, we spent the day at my parents' house in M-Ville. They got Easter baskets filled with candy, coloring books, and other misc. toys. And these awesome golf sets.

My parents held an indoor Easter egg hunt (which, for their age group, was really more of an Easter egg pick-up). Ace figured out how to unwrap candy wrappers and took it upon himself to distribute candy to his younger siblings. I'm not sure if he was doing this to be nice, or to get them involved so that if he got in trouble he would have accomplices. Nevertheless, the kids had candy for breakfast and lunch. Which may be considered bad parenting, but I'm not terribly concerned.

After our nutritious lunch of chocolate and marshmallow, it was time to color eggs. (I love our faces in this picture...)

I stole the muffin pan idea from my friend at Hand Over The Cookies!.

The kids all had a ton of fun and they were disappointed when we were done coloring eggs. But, for the life of me, I cannot capture a picture of them having fun. Ever. Here are Dango and Ace looking like they've been working the grind for twelve hours and have just had enough.

My dad got this cool egg-spinner from WalMart for about $5. Ant and Dango took it for a spin. (Get it?)

That egg spinner made some very cool eggs. So with all of the after-Easter sales going on, it might be a good idea to snatch one up for next year.

The next morning (Easter Sunday) was a blur. The kids got their baskets for 10 minutes before we rushed out the door to Ant's mom and step dad's house in H. Town. Where they each got another basket and these delicious marshmallow lollipops.

Ed picked up the boys minutes later and we headed to my mom's house for ham, then home to clean clean clean before the Guardian Ad Litem arrives to inspect our home.

Working Vs. Staying At Home

2011-04-20T15:35:00.001-04:00

There seems to be an ongoing war between working moms and stay-at-home moms. There are pros and cons to each side and I'm not bashing either choice--mostly because we moms are defensive creatures and I'd like to spare myself the wrath of hundreds of women weilding soccer schedules and brief cases. But I digress...

When you look past the turned-up noses and passive-aggressive comments, I'd say that a great deal of this dispute can be chalked up to envy. Because we all want what's best for our kids. We want more time with them. We want to be there for every milestone, every fever, every boo boo. And when we can't be, we end up feeling like less of a parent.

When the stay-at-home mom down the street tells me about all the time she spends with little Tommy each day and how her structured lessons and playtime have really payed off because he is only two but already knows his ABC's, can count to 100, is fully potty-trained and even drives her to the grocery store on Tuesdays... well, I feel just a little inadequate. Between working full time and taking care of three toddlers, there are days when we all eat T.V. dinners and go to bed without baths.
On the other side of the fence, whether or not we want to spoil our children, we still want material things for them. You know, the whole "roof and food" thing. And whether you have chosen to pursue a career or you are working for minimum wage to barely make rent, you have to admit that getting out of a house full of kids is what is keeping you out of the nuthouse at the moment. We all know that the more career-driven women in this world can make a stay-at-home mom feel like she is barely contributing to the world. Like she has no excuse to be exhausted and her house should be spic-and-span because she is home "all day with nothing to do."

I have mad respect for the stay-at-home moms. (Unless you're a stay-at-home-mom with two kids who are both in school for six hours a day and you still send laundry home with your mom because you "just can't find the time!" while you were spending two hours on Facebook this morning--you suck.) Moms who stay home with their small children all day, every day, for years at a time must have a patience level far superior to my own. On my day off, I feel like all I do is make meals, clean up after meals, change diapers and pick up the same toys over and over and over. And while I'm doing these things non-stop all day long, I get to enjoy the constant soundtrack of temper tantrums, expensive things being broken, and the Dora The Explorer theme song. All day.

Back to my point--there is no need for the snide comments, the snooty-patooty attitude, or this "war" in general. Whether you're at home pulling your hair out, or at work wishing you were home, you will never be 100% satisfied with your situation. We are all going to screw our kids up one way or another, and they'll all hate us when they're teenagers anyway. So let's just agree to smile at each other as we drop our children off for therapy, and concentrate on bashing the real crazy bitches out there: the work-at-home moms.

Changes

2011-04-13T13:57:00.002-04:00

I started making some changes to this blog, stopped, changed my mind, wished I'd never touched it, am sad about having to stray away from my old look, and then wrote this post. Bare with me, people. I will get it under control soon!

Yet Another Pretrial

2011-04-08T14:07:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have been following along in my divorce/custody battle, you may remember that yesterday was our third pretrial. This time we were seen by the judge.

First of all, I would like to point out that at each pretrial, W. has stylishly arrived in dirty pants and a greasy work jacket. I know he thinks he is making the statement, "Look at me! I'm a workin' man!" But mostly he is stating, "Look at me! I forgot to shower this morning!"

Once again, W. was unrepresented. I'm not sure if it is due to inability to pay, lack of family support, or just plain stupidity. Whatever the matter, he has chosen to represent himself in this battle. (The judge even quoted Abraham Lincoln, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client.") So instead of understanding the proper protocol, i.e. when to stand, when to say "Your Honor" and when to shut the hell up, W. just wings it. Believe me, there is no greater cure for my anxiety than watching him make an ass out of himself.

Upon entering the courtroom unshowered and unrepresented, W. starts the pretrial off right by interrupting my lawyer while she was making statement of the fact that he never filed an answer. "I did too file an answer!" That kind of thing tends to piss off a judge. He allowed my lawyer to finish her statement and then asked W., "Mr. ____, you claim that you did file an answer?"

"Yes."

"And when did you file this answer?"

"This morning."

"...You filed it just this morning??"

"Yes. I have the papers right here."

The judge stared at W. so hard, I thought daggers might actually shoot from his eyes. "Mr. ____, you had 28 days after October 7 to file an answer. I think you're a little late."

This isn't the first time that W. has delayed things by waiting until (quite literally) the last minute to complete court orders. While I understand that doing so only makes him look worse, it still frustrates me to no end.
However, there was a bit of relieving news that managed to shine through the bullshit. The judge clarified with W. that this is not a battle over custody, only a battle regarding visitation. W. concurred. You see, in the State of Ohio, custody and visitation are two wholly separate issues. Whether his lawyer-less ass realizes it or not, if he is only fighting for unsupervised visitation then I will be rewarded with sole legal custody.

The judge appointed a guardian ad litem to the case and ordered her to bring her full report to the next pretrial on May 26.

At the last minute, a representative from the Safe House (where W. and Jellybean have participated in supervised visitation since November) stood up an announced that although cases are only supposed to go through Safe House for 90 days, our case has been there for five months. The judge said that he would take that into advisory. Later, my lawyer explained to me that this simply means that he didn't feel like making a decision on that so he is going to pretend like he is considering it but really his mind is made up until the next pretrial.

So once again, we are left waiting. Waiting for the guardian ad litem to examine our households. Waiting for court on May 26. And waiting for W. to screw up in between. That is the one way in which W. has never let me down. He always screws up.

For those of you who haven't been following along with me for the past six months and might think that I am being a bit vindictive here, you can see why here, here, and especially here. I am not trying to remove him from her life, I am simply trying to make sure that I keep my little Jellybean safe. That, my friends, is the #1 goal of a 22-year-old-full-time-working mom with a precious little girl.

Posh Tots: For Tots Who Are Posh And Parents Who Are Out of Their Minds

2011-04-06T11:08:00.003-04:00

If you haven't shopped at http://www.poshtots.com/, then you simply haven't lived.

They believe that a child's room isn't just a place to sleep. It's a place to play, learn and dream; an environment where a child can enjoy all the simple pleasures of being a child. And the only way to accomplish that for your children is to purchase items that are at equal or greater value of your family's vehicle. Or local school bus. Whatever.

My child's ass will never be changed on anything less than the Braided Vintage Versatile Dresser/Changing Table WITH Gold Accents for $3,542.00. I mean, she just might break out in hives if she were to be changed on any surface that wasn't accented with gold.

And I would be absolutely mortified if I were the only mom at the playground without a diaper tote made from 100% calf skin leather for $169.00. Because if at least three baby cows weren't slaughtered to create this product, it simply isn't fit to hold my child's diapers and Cheerios!

If your little princess isn't drifting into dreamland in one of these bad boys, then you clearly just don't love her enough. Okay, seriously? Who the hell would actually purchase this for their spoiled brat? Is this website even making money? They won't even list the price, which means that this probably costs significantly more than your average two-story house, given that they will shamelessly list the prices of beds costing upwards of $50,000. And why is this bed being modeled outside? That is the only way I would consider purchasing a bed so ridiculous: if I were forcing my daughter to sleep outside.

And if you love these products but your child is getting a little too old for the La Belle Au Bois Dormant Coach Bed, Posh Tots thought ahead with their line of beds specifically for tweens starting at $4,000.00.

Of course, when your tween turns into a full-fledged teen (you know, two years from now) you will have to purchase him or her a real bed for a teenager because, well, otherwise it would just be embarrassing.

Seriously, Posh Tots, get real. The only people who are buying your ridiculously-overpriced-hand-crafted-from-the-skin-of-dead-baby-animals-plated-with-gold-that-was-shat-out-of-the-ass-of-the-queen-of-England-but-daddy-all-of-the-other-kids-have-a-chandelier-in-their-bedrooms-and-besides-I-didn't-even-get-a-new-pony-this-year-merchandise are people who dress their kids like this:

So if you have three years' salary to spend, lottery money to blow, or if you want a good laugh, check out Posh Tot's website.

Changes

2011-04-04T14:00:00.000-04:00

With my one year bloggerversary (is that the correct term?) coming up in April, I have been considering changing the name of this blog. When I first started this blog, Jellybean was six months old. I was a 21-year-old newlywed and working mom of one child. Now I am a 22-year-old working mom with not one, not two, but three toddlers. Pureed peas are no longer a part of my daily life, and although I still see my fair share of dirty diapers, those days are numbered as well.

I still need to put together some information, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to let you all know ahead of time.
I have noticed a pretty big jump in my stats lately. Although I might not be getting a lot of comments or registered followers, there are hundreds of page views each week. However, I have discovered that most of you find me by Googling a few key words from my blog name, as opposed to actually typing out the URL directly. To lessen confusion, I will not be changing my URL. Still, I would like to ask those of you who have been reading regularly to please use the buttons to the right of this page (under archives) to either follow me or subscribe by email. This way, I won't lose any of my faithful readers. :)

From Doormat to Pit Bull

2011-03-29T09:54:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning, Ant and I were loading the kids into their car seats to do some shopping, which is a rather stressful endeavor that usually involves at least one temper tantrum, a lost shoe or two, three or four trips back into the house for a forgotten sippy-cup or blankie, and one toddler darting for the street while we’re strapping in the other two. Needless to say, I’m usually ready to march all three of them back into the house for nap time by the end of the whole ordeal.

So, while I’m wrangling the trio of terror, Ant was tending to a far more pressing matter: checking the mail. Because, God help us, we all know it couldn’t have sat in the box another two hours until we arrived home. Never mind the young girl fighting three toddlers in the driveway, please be sure to check the mail, honey. After strapping the children into their car seats like mental patients to their beds and muttering under my breath threats of throwing myself into oncoming traffic, Ant handed me a cream-colored envelope. I could tell by the almost buttery hue that this was my lawyer’s trademark stationary. After the last letter I received from LawyerLady that was leaning towards bad news, I wasn’t terribly excited to open this envelope. But all of the frustration and tension of the day were lifted from my shoulders when I laid eyes on the letter.

Now this isn’t a huge jump of progress in this divorce/custody battle, but just to know that things are looking to go in my direction is good enough to keep me smiling until court.

“Dear Amie:

I reviewed your lengthy diary and history regarding the problems you have had throughout the marriage with W. While I have indicated to you that it is very rare that the Court would restrict his visitation indefinitely, I believe that based on what you have presented your case might be one of the cases the Court would consider as far as restricted visitation. If you wish to present testimony, we should wait until the pretrial which, as you know is scheduled for April 7, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. At that time, it is likely that we will be assigned a trial date. On the day of the trial, we can present testimony from you and any other witnesses that you would like to bring in to address the issue of W.’s visitation.

As of this date, I have checked the docket and W. has still not retained an attorney nor has he filed an answer. He has, however, completed the parenting class as was previously ordered.

It is probably not necessary for me to see you before April 7th. However, after that date, we should get together to prepare the testimony for you and your witnesses and to gather in any documents that will be used as exhibits in your trial. I will look forward to hearing from you.

Truly,
LawyerLady
Attorney at Law”

The moral of the story, boys and girls, is to journal, journal, journal! Keep track of every little piece of bullshit that gets thrown at you. The second moral of the story is not to become discouraged. When your lawyer tells you that he/she doesn’t think things will go in your direction, don’t be afraid to speak up and remind them exactly why you feel it should go in that direction. The final moral here is that if feels fan-freaking-tastic to stop being a doormat and start being a pit bull. Finally standing up for Jellybean and, yes, for myself too, is the best feeling I've had in a while.

You Capture - Youth

2011-03-23T08:39:00.001-04:00

This is my first week in a long time to participate in You Capture. This week's challenge was Youth, which is pretty easy to come by these days, considering my household.

This is a candid shot of everyone running around at the park. Nothing screams "YOUTH!" like the energy that children possess. Long after Ant and I were panting in the grass, the kids were still running off into opposite directions.

This picture breaks my heart. My baby Jellybean is quickly becoming a little girl. Her long hair tied back in pigtails, no time to stand still while I snap a picture. No, she has places to go, a world to explore.

For more snapshots of youth, visit http://www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com/.

Divorces, Drug Tests & Court Dates, Oh My!

2011-03-16T10:25:00.001-04:00

Something I have been too furious to think about lately, let alone blog about, is court. We went back to court on February 8, in an effort to settle the divorce and the custody issue over Jellybean. Again, W. showed up completely unprepared. The drug and alcohol evaluation that was supposed to be completed in January, was not taken by him until the morning of our court date. Really? I mean, really, I don't understand how that is even remotely okay. Way to wait until the last minute. And why--oh, why!--would anyone want to wait until the last minute to prove that they are not on drugs...? Hmmm :-/

So everything was postponed. Again. Ugh!

Last week, I received a letter from my lawyer regarding the results of his drug and alcohol evaluation. Of course, he passed. (Why wouldn't he have? He had from January--when he was supposed to have taken the evaluation--until February to get clean.) What fuels my frustration further, are the lies that he provided the instructor of the evaluation. These lies lead my lawyer to believe that the best thing we can do at this point is prepare for W. to receive Schedule A. (In Ohio, Schedule A is where the noncustodial parent receives every-other weekend unsupervised, overnight visitation.)

I have found that sometimes your lawyer needs to be reminded of the situation at hand. I understand that she sees hundreds of cases a year and after a while they may all begin to run together. I am sure that she just wants to get this case over with at this point, as do I. But I know that what I am fighting for is right and I will not back down.

I gathered up my journal information, and wrote the following letter to my lawyer:

"Dear LawyerLady,

I received a letter from you enclosed with the full report from W.'s drug and alcohol evaluation. The report stated that W. did not begin drinking until the age of 21. It also stated that he used to smoke marijuana, but has not used since 2009. It was your advice that the court will probably try to move us into Schedule A based upon this information. As I'm sure you have encountered situations like this before, it is not difficult to lie to someone about your drug/alcohol use. It is my argument that Will was not being truthful in these statements.

I have attached my journal, in which I have gone through and highlighted all of the dates in which I have already stated that W. came to visit with Jellybean while he was under the influence of marijuana or alcohol, or admitted that he needs to go to rehab to clean up. I have also highlighted a couple of dates during which he was drinking at our home with his friends, before he turned 21. This may prove that the information he provided the agency who performed the drug and alcohol information was false.

The report from the evaluation also stated that W. has been employed with {Auto Shop} for two years. This is also untrue. At the beginning of 2009, W. was employed with {Automall} in C.City. That summer, he was hired by {Towing Company} in N. Village. By the time our daughter was born in October 2009, he was already employed by {Muffler Shop} in A. City. He was at {Muffler Shop} for quite a while, but went through spurts of getting into fights with his manager and quitting then going back. I would have to assume that he has a lengthy employee file at {Muffler Shop}. Sometime in 2010 he began working at {Auto Shop} in A. City. Again, he went through spurts of getting into fights with managers and coworkers, quitting, getting fired, etc. In October 2010, he was fired from {Auto Shop} and to the best of my knowledge, began working at {Muffler Shop} again under a new manager. In December 2010, your office informed me that he was no longer employed with {Muffler Shop}. When he appeared in court in February, he was once again working for {Auto Shop}. If we can subpoena these places of employment and at least see his start/end dates for these various jobs, we should be able to prove that he was being untruthful in his evaluation.

The information you will find in my attached journal makes it pretty obvious, as you have stated before, that W. has a record of mental instability. The reason there is less and less evidence of this instability as time goes on, is that I have cut off all but necessary contact with him since October.

If, after reviewing this information, you still think that the court will find Schedule A in his favor, then you are right that we should get an agreement ready so that we are not unprepared. I would like us to make it clear to the courts that we are not trying to rip W. out of Jellybean's life. I definitely think that she should be able to see her father, and if anyone will take the time to read my journal, they will clearly see that I had been fighting tooth and nail to get him to pay some attention to our daughter during her first year of life, to no avail. However, Will has always been violent and unstable, and I am truly scared of what could happen to her when I am not there to protect her. She is my life, and I'm sure you understand that I just want her safe.

In addition, I would like to ask--wasn't he supposed to have that drug and alcohol evaluation completed before the end of January, via court order? And regarding the parenting class that he is trying to get out of, am I correct in assuming that it is the same class that I have already completed? It was my understanding that these things were supposed to be taken care of in a timely matter, but he seems to be able to get away with taking them whenever he damn well pleases. I am a little frustrated that I busted my ass to make sure that I comply with everything the court asks of me, but he can take his good old time and still be given chance after chance. I am, as I'm sure you are, completely furious that he didn't take his drug and alcohol evaluation until the morning of our court date. I think we all know why someone would wait until the last minute to pee in a cup.

Thank you so much for all of the time and attention you have paid to this matter. I really appreciate what you are doing for me and my daughter.

Amie (Blanketyblanklastname)"

I feel so awesome for being able to pull that information together, I think I should have been a lawyer. What is saving my ass right now--the detailed journal I have been keeping since W. and I were still together in July. I encourage anyone who is in any sort of a sticky situation to journal your ass off! Because at the end of the day, it's his "uhhh I don't remember" against your detailed desription of events. And that, my friends, is your #1 tool in a custody battle.

Freak Show!

2011-03-14T15:47:00.001-04:00

I haven't written much about my relationship with Ant, other than when he was there for us during my daughter's hospital stay. I tend to keep things like this to myself until I am sure everything is working out. And it is :)

He is amazing. He is a great dad to his two sons, Ace, who is almost three, and Dango, who is almost two. The boys are ten months apart. Almost physically impossible, but Ant pulled it off. Since his ex, Ed (E.D. stands for egg donor) is about as useful of a parent as W., we both have our children with us almost all of the time. Which means that now that we are living together together, we have three children under the age of three. Together. At the same time. Every day. It is definitely... interesting.

When you have a toddler, just one, even the simplest things can be challenging. Going to the grocery store, walking through town, or just visiting friends--when people see your toddler acting like a toddler they smile to themselves and think, Wow they really have their hands full! Try to accomplish the same tasks with two toddlers and people will tell you, "I just don't know how you do it!" But add a third toddler into that display and you become a walking freak show.

Birth control is crucial at this point in our relationship because a fourth toddler would mean we are barely even people anymore. If I happen to get pregnant, we may as well sign an agreement with TLC and call it a day.

Ace, Jellybean, and Dango - 2011

The Last Month In A Nutshell

2011-03-14T15:26:00.000-04:00

So basically, the last month of my life has been:

Work.
Making sure Jillian attends every supervised visitation with W.
Building an amazing relationship with Ant, a friend of mine from high school who has grown into an amazing man with two awesome little boys.
Building a step-motherly relationship with those two little boys, Ace and Dango.
Finding a home for my lazy-eyed beagle. Between raising a toddler by myself and working full time, I couldn't provide much for him. He now lives with a shop-owner who takes him to work every day and gets all kinds of love and affection. :)
Moving in with Ant! Which means we are living--with our three toddlers!--in my tiny apartment. Luckily, my apartment had a spare living room downstairs, so Ant and I are using that as a bedroom and the boys have my old bedroom.
Preparing for court. When we went back in February, we found that W. was unprepared so we had to postpone... again.
Finding healthy ways to deal with stress. My latest therapy? Vacuuming. I seriously love to run the vacuum cleaner. It zens me out.

That's the story! I plan on updating much more often these days!

Momma Ink

2011-01-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't been on lately. With court issues and single parenthood, I've fallen into a rut. We go to court for more custody issues on the 8th, so after that I will hopefully be posting again regularly. In the meantime, I have this:

You Capture - Best of 2010

2011-01-06T12:30:00.000-05:00

Wow it is difficult to choose just ten favorites!

Visit http://www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com/ for better shots from better photographers. (The linky tool wasn't working, I couldn't post the You Capture button here.)

Moments Not Forgotten: A Memory And A Snapshot

2011-01-03T15:25:00.000-05:00

There are so many moments that I try so hard to hold on to, but as time fades away, the memories become more faint.

This is one of my favorite pictures. It was taken on my cell phone, which has a way of distorting things (like Jellybean's head) so that they don't appear to be the correct size in proportion to the rest of the picture. (In fact, when I texted this picture out to friends and family they all commented on how big she was--but she was actually a fairly small baby.) The resolution is crappy. But this shot remains a favorite. It was taken when I first brought Jellybean home from the hospital.

Right before this picture was taken, my mom attempted to hold her for just a minute so that I could get something to eat. Jellybean cried her little newborn eyes out until my mom handed her back to me. The moment she was back in my arms, the crying stopped. That was the most wonderful feeling in the world. She wanted me. For once, I was the one with the magic touch. My baby. Breathtaking.

As I write this, I realize how easily I have forgotten that feeling. Sometimes when she is whining for me and I can't so much as go to the bathroom by myself, I get frustrated. Just a minute alone, please! I have taken that feeling for granted--being the momma. Being the one who can always make it better. How could I so easily lose sight of just how lucky I am?

I seem to find myself fighting for space now, not realizing how much it will totally suck when I get that space that I've been craving. One of these days she is going to be thirteen and will be too old to be held. She will turn sixteen and spending time with me won't be her favorite thing in the whole world. She will turn twenty and then twenty-five and she will marry some guy and I won't even be her go-to person anymore. And all I will have is the memory and this snapshot.

Fighting A Case of The Whiny's

2010-12-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

I am currently engaged in an epic battle with a case of The Whiny's.

I realize that Jellybean does not possess the verbal skills that most children her age do. This is a result of the ear infection that she had for so long, hindering her ability to hear and therefore repeat words. And although she has recently used words like "pup" (up), I don't think she is yet capable of accessing those words on command. When she wants picked up right now and emotions are running high, she doesn't always remember the word she wants to use. Or maybe she can't even remember that there is a word to describe what she wants. So her solution is to toddle around the house, whining nonstop.

Sometimes I understand what it is that she wants. When she is whining at my feet with her arms up in the air, I know that she wants picked up. When she is whining and tugging on her shoe, I know that she wants her shoes off. But understanding is only half the battle. If I give her what she is whining for, isn't that just reinforcing the negative behavior? It's true that there are times when I cannot give in to her whiny wants/needs because I am in the middle of cooking dinner or cleaning up a mess; but there are also times when I simply refuse to give in because I know that giving in to the whining means there will only be more whining in the long run.

Even now, it might be too late...

The whining has become a habit. Now I wonder if I should have been giving her exactly what she wanted before the whine ever grazed her throat. That way, the whine would have never come. And if the whine had never come, then it couldn't be a habit. A daily, hourly, sometimes minute-ly (Yes, the whining has gotten so bad I had to make up a word for it!) habit. I just don't know if I can handle one more "WAH" without flushing my head down the toilet.

I'm all ears for any advice. Please. Oh God, please.

Happy Freaking Holidays!

2010-12-27T16:34:00.001-05:00

We have officially made it through a major holiday weekend with NO trips to the ER!

W. and I took Jellybean to the ER on Independence Day for an ear infection. I took her again the evening of her birthday party (after the party) for a skin rash that was spreading quickly. And, most recently, we spent Thanksgiving in the hospital.

So, to make it through this entire weekend without any hospitals, doctors, or issues whatsoever, is a merry freaking Christmas to me!

Christmas Spirit

2010-12-22T11:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder what I could have possibly done to deserve such a great life. I have made a few poor choices, yes. Bad things happen to me, yes. But every time things start to get bad, some way, some how, someone comes through to help me feel nothing short of blessed.

Each year at work, we participate in the Adopt-A-Family program. If we can get six coworkers to participate, that means we can "adopt" a six-person family for Christmas. It is all 100% anonymous through the Adopt-A-Family program. We each pick a family member to shop for and then we all chip in on food for a big Christmas feast. And although we don't know who it is we are helping that year, it has always been our first thought on Christmas morning that we had provided something wonderful for a family that otherwise wouldn't have it.

It was announced that this year we would not be participating because "times are tough" and not everyone can afford to spend the $30. I was outraged. Who exactly are times tough for around here? We work in a government office where most everyone is severely overpaid. I am a single mom who has not received any child support and even I was willing to let my bills pile up and set aside a few bucks for a family who has nothing.
I thought this was pretty much the opposite of Christmas Spirit...

...until I came into work this morning...

My boss and two of my friends at work called me into a spare office. When I walked in, there were two large boxes of diapers and four pairs of pajamas. Jellybean and I had been "adopted." And it wasn't over yet. Inside an envelope was cash for one month of my babysitter's fees. Inside another envelope, were bill stubs that my friend had "stolen" from my desk and paid with a credit card.

I don't even know how to thank somebody for something this huge. There is nothing that I can do that will top two boxes, four pairs of pajamas, and over $500 in bills paid. How can I possibly show my appreciation? Here I am every day--blogging when I should be working--and they are going out of their way to show me these extreme gestures of kindness!

For the rest of my life, I will be paying this forward.

Do You Believe?

2010-12-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

This December, I have been battling Santa Claus in my brain. The same jolly old fat man who brings such joy to millions, brings me only a sleighful of frustration this year.

Much to the dismay of my family members, I have been considering the idea of not playing the "Santa Charade" with my daughter. I know, I know... but just hear me out...

The entire ordeal is a lie. That's it. You can rationalize it all you want. Tell me it's not really lying. Tell me that Santa is the *magic* of Christmas. But, no matter how you look at it, it is still lying. Sorry. I don't know how I can preach honesty while telling my child that an idea as silly as Santa is truth.

I've always thought that Christmas could be magical without the lying. We can still pretend that Santa is coming. But would it totally kill the joy if she knows--up front--that we are just pretending? Kids are great pretenders! A child can be a princess, a doctor, and then a cowgirl, all in one afternoon. And deep down, she understands that she isn't really a cowgirl; but for a brief moment in time, she is totally content with just pretending.

My main hangup with the whole Santa Conspiracy is partially due to personal experience. I was an only child, so in many ways my parents were also my peers. So when they preached the value of honesty, I assumed it was a two-way street. When my friends began telling me that Santa was a just a big story, I defended my parents' honor. They would never lie to me! We always tell the truth!

When mom finally did tell me the truth, I was devastated. Not because Santa wasn't real. Not because my toys didn't come from the North Pole. But because it was a big joke. I'd been had! And to top it all off, I defended the liars to my friends... Maybe it was because I had no siblings to share the experience. I felt singled out. I pictured my parents sneaking around the house, eating the cookies, putting on a big show. All so they could "see the look on my face" when I believed the hoax.

And what else did they lie about? The Tooth Fairy? The Easter Bunny? Jesus? How could I be sure that Jesus was even real? Well, if praying was anywhere near as affective as writing a letter to Santa, I wasn't going to bother with that. And that is the main reason that I loathe the Santa Conspiracy. It shook my faith. I struggled with my belief for years after this. How old would I have to be before they finally told me that He was a "story" too?

I understand that Santa, obviously, cannot compare with the One who died for our sins. This is very true... in the adult world. But in a child's world, in an American child's world, the two are very close in running. The only major difference that a small child can truly understand is that we only worry about Santa's judgement at Christmas time.

So please, shed some light on this for me. How did you feel as a child? How have your children felt?

To believe, or not to believe...

Speech Development

2010-12-14T11:14:00.001-05:00

It is amazing how many words Jellybean has begun to say now that she can hear! I was previously concerned about her speech development, she said "Momma," "Dada," "Hi," and "Baba," but just not as much as other children her age.

Since Thursday, Jellybean has really broadened her vocabulary skills. She now says:

"See?"
"Shoe"
"D-D-D-D-D-Daa Daa Daaa!" This is an attempt to sing the Dora The Explorer theme song.
"Pup!" She has learned to ask me to pick her up instead of just standing there whining.
"Dieduh," An attempt at "diaper." She has developed a slight obsession with diapers lately. Holding them, putting them on her head and wearing them as hats... they're clean, for the record.
"Hat"
"Dak doo," For "thank you."
"Pweeeeee!" For "pretty," which could mean either the Christmas tree or Momma's necklace.
"Uh oh!"

It is truly amazing to hear my little girl talking up a storm!

Tubes

2010-12-10T15:48:00.001-05:00

We went to the Children's Hospital to have tubes inserted into Jellybean's ears. The doctors really try their best to make things fun for the little ones. Even though Jellybean wasn't as aware of the situation as, say, a four or five year old would be, they still let us try on funny hats and play with the doctors' equipment before going into surgery.

One thing I learned about my child, is that she does NOT sleep on medication. Since she couldn't have any food or drink before the surgery, she wouldn't take a nap. After all, who wants to nap on an empty tummy? After the surgery--which took all of ten minutes--she woke up feeling pretty groggy. The nurses warned me that she would be fussy until the anesthesia wore off, but then she would probably sleep for the rest of the day. They were wrong. Very, very wrong. Not only did Jellybean not nap, but she wouldn't even go to bed until 9:30 p.m. I just don't get it.

Alas, dear blogging world, we can all rest easy that this incident is finally over!

Feveral Seizure

2010-12-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

About two weeks ago, Jellybean started getting a runny nose. I figured, it's gotta be the teething, right? The following Sunday, that runny nose turned into a yucky cough. Uh-oh,we must be catching a cold. So Monday after work, we went to see the doctor. Just a touch of bronchitis, caught in time before it got bad. A little antibiotic should do the trick. So we went home.

Tuesday night, it was obvious she wasn't feeling her best. But of course, teething combined with acute bronchitis will do that to a kid. So she took her medicine and some Infants' Motrin before bed. She woke up and fussed a few times throughout the night, but put herself back to sleep within minutes and all was well.
Until Wednesday morning.

I went in to get her out of bed around 7:30 a.m.--I was running late--and I saw her laying on her side, making strange motions. As I got closer, my little baby girl in her purple Dora PJ's wasn't just moving strangely, she was jerking. I picked her up, her eyes rolled into the back of her head. I lost it.

~~A bit of an intermission here to explain how God puts the right people in my life at the exact right time. One thing I haven't been advertising publicly is that since we went to divorce court, I've been spending a great deal of time with one of my best friends from high school, a guy we will call Ant. We have been close friends since we were 15. Now he has full custody of two little boys ages 2 and 1, and an ex that is only slightly more useful than mine. So we have a lot in common. While the boys were at their mom's for the night, Ant came to stay with me.~~

I screamed for Ant, who later told me that he thought he was coming to rescue me from a spider. All sensibility I had flew right out the window. He very calmly took Jellybean from my arms, explained to me that she was having a seizure, and proceeded to take care of her while I ran to get Babysitter from next door. I used Babysitter's cell phone to call the ambulance, because my brain was too scrambled to find my own phone.

After a few minutes, the seizure subsided. Ant ran outside to grab the ambulance that had missed my street. They took us to the hospital, where Ant met us. Everything happened so quickly. She had to have an IV inserted, and got a dose of 1/2 milligram (I think?) of Adavan to prevent anymore seizures. During her posticus (the phase after a seizure where one is "loopy") she was staring straight ahead and wouldn't respond to us. I thought for a moment that she had gone blind. They had to insert a catheter to take a urine sample. When they came in to do a chest xray, she had another seizure. When this was over, they had to give her a spinal tap so that they could obtain fluid to test for meningitis. They gave her another 1/2 miligram of Adavan. My head was spinning.

I snapped at several doctors and argued with them about the spinal tap. When the xray technician came back to finish the chest xray, I blew up at him. I'm not really sure why, other than the fact that I was freaking out. He left the room and a few minutes later, another technician came in to finish the job. Somewhere along the way, blood was drawn for testing.

My parents rushed up. The doctors were preparing us for the worst. He told us how we would treat meningitis. He explained different types of seizure disorders. For a minute, I wondered if Jellybean was going to make it. The most horrifying feelings swept over me.

Hours later, we were admitted into the children's wing of the hospital. Bright blue floor tiles and dinosaur wallpaper cannot take away the depression of staring at a hospital crib. All the tests came back negative, and it was declared a complex feveral seizure. They determined that she had some unknown virus, causing her fever to spike quickly, which can lead to a seizure.

Her fever spiked up and down for the next two days. We spent all of Thanksgiving in the hospital, as well as the entire day before and a good bit of the day after. We watched Dora's Super Silly Fiesta over and over. For three days.

Finally, they were ready to let us go home on Friday. Of course, being the day after a holiday, the doctor didn't want to get his lazy ass into the hospital at 8:00 a.m. that morning like, you know, all of the nurses, aides and other employees did. All morning I had been asking the nurses to call the doctor in so we could get permission to remove her IV. It had been disconnected from the bag since Thursday, but they left the needle in her inner-elbow just in case they needed to get back to it. They would not remove the needle without the doctor's permission. The doctor would not get his lazy ass into the hospital. The nurses would not call the doctor. I gathered what was left of my mind from the past few days and I lost it again. I told them that if they did not take that damn needle out of my baby's arm RIGHT NOW then I would be removing it MYSELF!

Ten minutes later, the needle was out and Jellybean was SO happy to have her arm back. That's right... Momma knows how to get shit done.

By lunchtime, the doctor came in. I asked him one more time to PLEASE check her ears, I thought something might be wrong. He almost laughed at me as he walked off to grab his equipment. He looked at her ears and said that there was nothing wrong.

We went home, and Jellybean was doing better, but that darn fever kept coming back. So Monday morning, we followed up with our family doctor, who checked her ears and said they looked great. Tuesday morning, I got Jellybean up and LO AND BEHOLD her ears are leaking a clear fluid. Who could have seen that coming? Oh yeah... me!

We went BACK to the family doctor--only because the ear/nose/throat specialist didn't have any openings today--who put her on an antibiotic. Again. By yesterday, the fluid had turned a yellowish-brown color, which tells me that the infection has probably been in that ear for some time.

I. Am. Pissed. How can so many doctors look into a child's ear and not realize that it is horribly infected? How can they just rule it out even though I tell them specifically? WTF!?

She went to the pediatric ear/nose/throat specialist on Friday and we will be going this Thursday to have tubes put in her ears. She will then have to have her hearing tested to see if we lost any hearing, which would explain why her vocabulary is so limited compared to other children her age.

And we will be switching doctors.

Supervised Visitation: Filling In The Gray

2010-11-23T09:54:00.001-05:00

Most people assume that supervised visitation is for situations of abuse or child molestation.

Not necessarily.

These kinds of programs are also appropriate when the non-custodial parent has a drug or alcohol problem or a psychiatric condition. We opted for supervised visitation between W. and Jellybean to reduce the risk of neglect due to drug and alcohol abuse, and, as you know, I have always had concern for W.'s mental stability.

So every Wednesday I leave work early. We drive downtown to the Safe House and sign in at 4:45 p.m. We play in the Toddler Room until 5:00 p.m. when W. arrives. I leave through the back, W. comes in through the front, and we never have to see each other. They play and have dinner while under the supervision of a trained supervisor. The supervisor is there to take notes on how well the parent interacts with the child, if he/she appears to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and to make sure that he/she isn't discussing details of the case with the child--which really isn't a concern, being that she is only one year old.

W. is required to pay them $15 for their services that day. He is also responsible for bringing all of the food, juice, diapers and wipes that Jellybean needs throughout the visit. Add these expenses to the cost of gas it take for him to drive all the way downtown from his sister's house, and this is coming out to be a $30-40 endeavor each week, which sounds expensive. Before you feel too sorry for him, let me remind you that it isn't exactly cheap to raise a child on one income--I have yet to receive child support.

Supervised visitation with W. is the only way that she can have him as an emotional figure in her life but without the negative effects of being left alone in a questionable environment. I am sure this will all be reevaluated at our next court appointment in February. But W. still has a Drug & Alcohol Evaluation in January a possible Psychiatric Evaluation in February, and plenty of time to screw up in between. So for now, Safe House is filling in the gray area for us.

The Gray Area

2010-11-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

Apparently, in the State of Ohio if children are involved in a divorce case, the parents are required to take a parenting class. While everyone else was moaning and groaning about it, I couldn't help but be intrigued.

Yes, the class is two ridiculous hours long.

Yes, there are other things that I could be doing.

But this class is for the better of our children. So, really, who can complain?

This class forced me to hear some things that I really didn't want to hear. And I can stick my fingers in my ears and shout, "La La La!" all day long, but the lesson still rings true. What children don't need is to be put in the middle of a divorce case. What children do need is a healthy relationship with both parents. Since W. has told me--on more than one occasion, and once in writing--that he wants nothing to do with Jellybean, I have been hell-bent on kicking him and his entire nut-job family out of our lives. As much as I hate to admit it, this might not be the best thing for Jellybean.

On one hand, Jellybean deserves a chance at having two parents no matter how good or bad those parents are. If her dad decides not to be a part of her life, then that is something that she we will have to deal with. But if I kick him out with no chance of reconciliation, then it might not be in her best interest.

On the other hand, allowing my Jellybean to be a part of the neglectful and abusive atmosphere that comes along with W.'s family is clearly not a good choice. I certainly wouldn't allow her to be friends with people who carry on in this manner!

I am frustrated because my problem is not deciding between the right option and the wrong option; it's trying to figure out which option is which. There is no black-and-white in this situation--it's pretty much all gray over here. I am frustrated that W. can ignore Jellybean for most of her existence and even say that he doesn't want anything to do with her, and yet thinks he can just come back in and pretend it never happened. But the biggest frustration of all is that I cannot protect Jellybean from both ends. She will either experience God-knows-what abuse in that family, or lose them altogether.

So what else can I do but lay it all in God's hands?

My Summer, Fall, and Reason For Lack of Posting…

2010-11-15T10:35:00.001-05:00

I have barely posted in the past few weeks, which can cause one to lose readers. So if all five of you who used to read this are still reading… it’s been hell, let me tell you.

When I began to open my eyes to exactly how bad things had become with W., a good friend advised me to keep a journal. I have been journaling my ass off since July, and I am going to share a very small portion of that with you. What I have written below may appear to be a short novel, but it doesn’t actually compare to the 30 pages of information I have written down.

You will also notice that I’m using nicknames now instead of real names. You never know how ugly a custody battle could get, and I don’t want any of his family members doing a Google search on our names.

The following week was a typical week in my household.

Monday, July 12, 2010
I got up with Jellybean in the morning. Even though W. doesn’t leave for work until 8-9:00 a.m., I still get her ready and take her to Babysitter’s home (across the street from us) by 7:30 a.m. every morning because he won’t get out of bed.

After work I picked up Jelly Bean, took care of her, the house, and the pets, and went to bed at 10:15 p.m., never hearing from W.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My mom watches Jellybean on her days off, alternating Tuesdays and Fridays. Even though W. doesn’t leave for work until after I do, I still take her to M-ville once a week. I left at 7:00 a.m. and drove her to M-ville while he was still in bed.

My dad brought Jellybean home when I got home from work to save me the trip. My cousin JP came to visit with me and gave me the phone number of her psychiatrist to call and make an appointment for W. He finally agreed (last weekend) to see a psychiatrist for his issues. He agreed that he has a lot of mental problems to work out.

JP left when I was putting Jellybean to bed. W. came home around 9:30 p.m. I didn’t ask where he was or if/why he was working late because that usually just causes him to blow up.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I got up with Jellybean at 6:00 a.m. and dropped her off at Babysitter’s by 7:30 a.m. while W. was still in bed. After work I picked up Jellybean. When we came home there was porn left playing on the television. Even though she is still too young to know what is going on, I was disgusted that she had to see this as we entered the living room. I took care of her, the house, and the pets for the rest of the evening. W. came home around 9:30 p.m. again. I did not ask where he was or why he was home late. He was extremely grumpy and irritable when he first came home but after he ate was very friendly and we had a good evening together.

Thursday, July 15, 2010
I woke up late and had to rush to get Jellybean and myself ready while W. was in bed, so that I could get to work only a little late. He woke up enough to tell me that he needed gas money.

After work I picked up Jellybean, came home, took care of her, the house, and the pets. I took the dog outside sometime between 8:30 – 9:00 p.m. W. came home during this time. We talked for a while about nothing in particular and then Babysitter came out and we talked with her. While we were talking to Babysitter, W. started complaining about how our home is a “shit hole” and that my allergies make his life miserable, and he hopes that Jellybean doesn’t have them because it is so difficult for him to live with someone who has allergies.

Friday, July 16, 2010
I got up with Jellybean at 7:00 a.m. and got her to Babysitter’s at 7:30 a.m. while W. was still in bed.

I made an appointment for W. to see the psychiatrist for Monday, August 9, 2010. I made this appointment weeks advance so that he would have plenty of time to inform work that he would be off that morning.

I picked up Jellybean, came home, took care of her, the pets and the house, and went to bed at 10:00 p.m., never hearing from W. I woke up when he came home at 2:00 a.m. He told me that he ran into his ex-step-brother and was with him all night. I told him that I made his psychiatrist appointment. He expressed that he is afraid they will admit him into a mental hospital. I assured them that there is no way they will admit him unless he becomes dangerous.

Saturday, July 17, 2010
I got up at 7:00 a.m. and spent time with Jellybean. W. still wasn’t up at 8:00 a.m. and when I woke him up he freaked out because he was going to be late for work again. Jellybean and I spent the day at my parents’ house, had dinner there and Jellybean got her bath there. I rocked her to sleep and she slept during the car ride home. We arrived home around 9:30 p.m. I went to bed around 11:00 p.m., having never received a phone call from W., just a note saying that he was with his friend B.

I do remember him coming home sometime in the middle of the night, but I was half asleep and don’t remember much.

Sunday, July 18, 2010
W. was grumpy today but he did play with Jellybean for about half an hour before she went down for her afternoon nap. After we ate lunch, he fell asleep on the living room floor and would not get up until around dinnertime.

Monday, July 19, 2010
Jellybean woke up screaming at 3:30 a.m., so I got her a bottle and comforted her in the living room (so we wouldn’t interrupt W’s sleeping) while she fussed off and on until 7:10 a.m. At this time, I needed to get a shower for work so I asked W. if he would watch Jellybean and comfort her while I showered. He sat up but didn’t do anything for a few minutes, so I brought Jellybean to him. He said that he couldn’t take her right that moment; he needed more time to wake up. So I put her in the playpen and took my shower. When I got out of the shower, she was still crying in her playpen while he was sleeping in bed.

I didn’t say a word and just left him there to sleep. I took Jellybean to Babysitter’s. I got to work five minutes late.

After work, I ran errands and got groceries with Jellybean. We got home at 7:30 p.m. I unloaded groceries and put them all away. Fed, bathed, and rocked Jellybean to sleep. She was in bed at 8:30 p.m. I went outside and W. came home with his buddy and beer to drink. They drank their beer in the driveway. I went in at 9:00 p.m. W. came in at 10:00 p.m. and we went to bed at 11:00 p.m.

Over the next couple of weeks it was pretty much the same pattern. After he missed his psychiatrist appointment, it became very clear just how bitter things had become between us.

Monday, August 9, 2010
W. bailed on his psychiatrist appointment.

Thursday, August 10, 2010
W. came home on time from work, but brought two friends and a 24-pack of Bud Light with him. They drank in the driveway until Jellybean was in bed. When he came into the house we started arguing. He told me that he has changed for the better and wanted to know why I still had problems with him. I pointed out that he really hasn’t changed much, and while he may have stopped calling me names, he still stays out with his friends or drinking or smoking until Jellybean is in bed. He replied that he wants to spend time with Jellybean but doesn’t want to be around me. I am not stupid, I can plainly see (and so can our friends and family) that he is happy to spend time with me, but avoids any time—especially one-on-one time—with Jellybean, as I have tried on several occasions to get him to watch her or just spend time with her.

He told me that getting married to me and having a baby was a mistake. He started to go on about how if we didn’t have Jellybean then we wouldn’t have to “live poor” (meaning financially) and all of our relationship problems started when she came. He said that she didn’t help us in any way and that she was good for me but not good for him.

Friday, August 20, 2010
W. arrived home around 2:00 a.m., turned on the lights and demanded that we decide right now what we were going to do about Jellybean if we split up. I said that I assumed we would continue what we have been doing with Jellybean—me taking care of her by myself and him not participating. He told me that he wants her on weekends, to which I said “no” because not only do I work full-time and the weekends are my quality time with her, but I do not trust him to take quality care of her or to drive her safely. He suggested every other weekend or just a couple of days every week, and I questioned when this would be, since he doesn’t see her more than a couple of hours a week as it is now. He asked if I wanted him out of Jellybean’s life and I pointed out to him that I have been fighting to make him a part of her life since she has been born, to no avail.

Several times throughout this conversation I had to ask him to stop yelling so that he would not wake Jellybean. He said that we should get a divorce and stated several times that he “is not crazy,” although I have never called him that. He demanded that I sleep on the couch. I would not, so he slept on the couch. He has a very angry and violent attitude and I sat awake all night to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt Jellybean or me.

Saturday, August 21, 2010
He packed his things and moved out.

During the next two months, W. would go through the same cycle several times.

First, he would call or text me nonstop, telling me how much he loves me and misses Jellybean. It was during these times that, although I would not allow him to move back in, we would meet in a public place or allow him to come over for a visit with Jellybean and we would talk about possibly salvaging this relationship for her sake.

Then he would become very insecure, accusing me of not caring about him or finding another guy.

Shortly after the insecurity, he would become angry and irrational. This is when the random 1:00 a.m. knocks on my door would come or the phone calls in the middle of the night, demanding that I take him back right that minute or we would never see him again. When I refused, he would let me know that he would be out of Jellybean’s life forever and leave.

This “being out of our lives” phase would last MAYBE 24 hours. And that’s a stretch. It was never long before I was receiving the “I love you so much” texts. When I didn’t respond, phone calls would ensue. Then he would text me demanding to see Jellybean, and accusing me of hiding her from him, threatening to get a lawyer, etc.

Being that it is unfair to keep Jellybean from having two parents, this is when I would always give in and invite him over to spend time with her. Then the cycle would repeat. I am just as guilty for the repeat of this cycle as W. It’s difficult to read back through my journal and not want to reach back in time and slap my face. What the hell was I thinking?!?

The last and final straw is the weekend of her first birthday party. As if paying for and throwing a birthday party by yourself isn’t stressful enough, W. was fired that week. He found another job a couple of days later, but missed her first birthday party. Really. Who the fuck misses their child’s first birthday party? The only member of his family that attended the party was his sister, whom he is now living with. He didn’t even send a gift. Or a card. Or a note. Or call to wish her a happy birthday. Really. WTF?

When I informed him that whatever chances we had were absolutely over because he didn’t acknowledge her first birthday, he freaked. On Monday he told me that he didn’t want anything to do with her. Promised to pay child support but said (via text message, I have it in writing) that he never wants visitation.

The next day, he demanded to see her. Threatened to get a lawyer. Blah blah blah.

We went to court on October 26th and he refused the divorce, so now we have to wait until February for another court date. He agreed to pay child support, attend a drug and alcohol evaluation in January, and to only see Jellybean at supervised visitation at a “safe house” owned by the government where social workers can watch his every move. It sounds a little extreme, but I feel that when there are parents that don’t want to be parents, that is when things can go wrong.

Before and after court he called and texted me nonstop and even began calling and bothering my family members, until my lawyer sent him a letter asking him to stop.

So far I haven’t had to hear from him for two weeks and, let me tell you, it’s been wonderful.

I'm Still Alive

2010-11-03T10:13:00.000-04:00

If anyone out there is concerned... I am still alive.

First birthday parties, divorce court, and supervised visitation has kept me more busy than I care to be. I'll update soon :)

Trick -or- Treat

2010-10-31T22:00:00.000-04:00

This is another post that I back-dated in an effort to look like I'm not a disorganized mess...

This was Jellybean's first house to trick-or-treat.

Jellybean and her Grandpa. Aren't they so sweet together? He was so excited to take her trick-or-treating. So excited, in fact, that I did not hold her at all throughout the entire trip...

Jellybean was pretty excited about going with Grandpa too...

And she was an adorable looking kitty cat!

But trick-or-treating can really wear you out...

12 Months of Love, Kisses, and Memories

2010-10-19T14:16:00.000-04:00

The Birthday Party

2010-10-16T13:17:00.000-04:00

It took me such an embarrassingly long time to post these pictures, that I decided to back-date this post in an effort to look at least a little on-the-ball...

My BFF (M.) and I put together goodiebags that looked like Backpack. They were filled with Dora stickers, scented bubbles, candy, and a birthday hat. M. and I decorated the entire community room and even put up a collage of pictures from Jellybean's first year.

My good friend made this amazing cake. Yes, that IS an icing dress! The top part (Dora and her dress) came off for Jellybean to smash. The bottom part was to be served to the guests. I love how Jellybean looked at me like, "Is this okay?" while she was eating the cake.

Ohhh the presents! This kid made out like a bandit. Just a few of the highlights: a nicely upholstered chair, a DVD player for the car, Dora DVDs, Fisher Price doll house, Dora tricycle, Dora tent, birthday build-a-bear, gorgeous new coat, Dora blankies, Dora lamp, Dora rug, baby dolls and accessories, VTech play-and-learn map, and some new clothes. That is all I can remember off of the top of my head, but it took two vehicles to get her and all of her stuff home!

Birthday parties. Are. Exhausting.

Planning A Birthday Party - Two Days In Advance

2010-10-14T10:30:00.002-04:00

I am particularly excited about planning Jellybean's first birthday party. Not only is this the first birthday party I have ever planned, but it is the celebration of the day that we got to hold this beautiful baby girl in our arms for the first time--so I am determined to make this the greatest 1-year-old birthday party ever!

Purchase Groceries

Don't forget foil, plastic wrap, and ice!

Charge Video Camera & Digital Camera Batteries
Pack Up All Camera Equipment
Gather All Chip Bowls & Dishes Needed
Pack Jellybean's Necessities For That Day (No need to run around like a chicken with my head cut off looking for stuff.)
Create Tissue Paper PomPoms for Decorations... a last minute thing!

ALSO SEE:
Planning A Birthday Party: One Month In AdvancePlanning A Birthday Party: Two Weeks In Advance
Planning A Birthday Party: One Week In Advance

UPDATE! ALSO SEE:
The Big Day

Planning A Birthday Party - One Week In Advance

2010-10-12T08:35:00.002-04:00

Touch Base With MP About Cake
Call All Guests Who Have Not RSVP'd
Put Together Goodie Bags
Wrap Jellybean's Presents and Get Everything Ready
Plan Party Schedule

ALSO SEE:
Planning A Birthday Party: One Month In Advance
Planning A Birthday Party: Two Weeks In Advance

UPDATE! ALSO SEE:
Planning A Birthday Party: Two Days in Advance
Planning A Birthday Party: The Big Day

Planning A Birthday Party - Two Weeks In Advance

2010-10-03T16:04:00.002-04:00

Buy Decorating Supplies
Buy Plates, Cups, etc.
Buy DVD's for Video Camera
Gather Cutouts

I printed the Dora characters on 11x17 paper, cut them out, and glued them to posterboards so that they would be sturdy. I plan to set them up all around the room and outside on the playground for the kids to see and have their picture by.

ALSO SEE:
Planning A Birthday Party: One Month In Advance

UPDATE! ALSO SEE:

Planning A Birthday Party: One Week In Advance
Planning A Birthday Party: Two Days In Advance
Planning A Birthday Party: The Big Day!

The Divorce Diet

2010-09-28T08:57:00.002-04:00

I am happy to announce that I am back into all of my pre-pregnancy pants! Yes, a few of them look like they are painted on, and also, yes, it took me almost a full year, and also, no, I wasn't exactly thin before I got pregnant... but let me enjoy my glory, damn it!

Unfortunately, the loss of poundage isn't due to my incredible demonstration of will power against cookies, cupcakes, and Cheetos, nor is it due to the fabulous gym membership that I have and use. Because... well... I don't have will power OR a gym membership... No, friends, I'm afraid stress is probably the main cause of all of this weight loss. Some coworkers refer to it as the "Divorce Diet."

The strange thing is, I don't feel stressed out at all. In fact, since my husband moved out of the house (about a month ago) I have never felt better. There is actually less for me to do around the house now, as W. was more of a mess-maker than a helper. He never lifted a finger with our daughter, so there are no changes in my life there. And when he left, he took over $10,000 worth of debt with him. So what is it that is stressing me out?

Whatever. I guess if I am in a situation where I have to get a divorce after only one year of marriage, then I may as well look hot while I'm doing it.

What Is A Grandpa?

2010-09-22T10:56:00.000-04:00

Taking Votes

2010-09-17T12:07:00.001-04:00

I am taking votes. What should I dress Jellybean up as for Halloween? Before you yell at me for jumping the gun here, I just want to make sure we allow some time for shipping.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Queen Bee
Living in Ohio, we will need to add a long sleeved black shirt underneath of this so my poor baby doesn't freeze. This baby must be trick-or-treating in Florida...

'Lil Stinker
How stinkin' cute is this! I think I would have to put a pink bow on her tail or ear so that she wouldn't be mistaken as a boy.

Dora The Explorer
Of course it's an option--Dora is her favorite. I highly doubt that I would even spend the money on the wig since it will inevitably be taken off.

Moo Cow
Umm--yeah! We live in Ohio. Farms galore out here in the boonies. Again, I would probably add a bow to the ear or horn so that no one thinks she is a boy--since there is no utter on this costume.

Please vote and I promise to post lots and lots of pictures :)

You Capture - Photographer's Choice

2010-09-15T12:35:00.003-04:00

Yay! I love it when we get a little more freedom with You Capture. Yep, I'm kind of a control freak like that.

I chose a shot of my dad and Jellybean sharing an ice cream cone at a festival we went to over the weekend. Have you ever seen anything more precious?

And, Beth, I followed the rules! I shot this in manual mode, and played with the editing a bit to make the background all cool and blurry. Something you can do in about 5 minutes with Picnik, who is my verybestfriendforever.

For the choicest of choices, check out: I Should Be Folding Laundry.

Planning A Birthday Party - One Month In Advance

2010-09-13T10:55:00.007-04:00

I am particularly excited about planning Jellybean's first birthday party. Not only is this the first birthday party I have ever planned, but it is the celebration of the day that we got to hold this beautiful baby girl in our arms for the first time--so I am going all out to make this the greatest 1-year-old birthday party ever!

PLANNING A BIRTHDAY PARTY
ONE MONTH IN ADVANCE:

Make A Guest List

Um--wow! 36 adults and 14 children invited to this party... let's hope not all of them show up.

Set A Date & Time

Saturday, October 16th, 2010 from 2:00 - 4:00 p.m.

Book A Room

Our apartment is way too small for this and has all of two parking spaces. One of the perks of working for a local government office, is getting to reserve the community room for free. :)

Pick A Theme

Do Do Do Do Do Dora! Do Do Do Do Do Dora! Dora Dora Dora The Explorer!

Plan Menu & Drinks

Hot dogs (Setting her father in front of the grill will both make him feel important and keep him from feeling awkwardly out of place.)
Chips. (easy peasy)
Nachos & Fiesta Bean Dip (Goes well with the Dora theme and my mom promised to make it.)
Veggie Tray (Prepared by my mom. I love you, Mom!)
Cake & Ice Cream (I have the coolest friend in the world who makes amazing cakes. She has a special Dora & Boots cake in mind to make for us. She is the bestie!)
Fruit Punch

Make A Grocery Shopping List

____ Hot Dogs
____ Hot Dog Buns
Ketchup
Mustard
Relish
Cheese Curls
Plain Potato Chips
2 Buckets Ice Cream
3 or 4 Gallons Punch
Ice
____ Plates
____ Cups
Plastic Spoons & Forks
Napkins
Thank you, discount grocery store. We will be visiting you soon!

Make A Party Supplies Shopping List

50 Balloons (the kind you blow up yourself) in pink, purple, yellow
4 Rolls of Streamers in pink(x2), purple, yellow
12 Party Blowers
12 Plain Birthday Hats (I plan to have the kids decorate their own with stickers.)
Purple Paper Lunch Sacks (I am making Backpack goodie bags.)
Candy (for the goodie bags)
Lots of tape!

Recruit Helpers

W. - Grillmaster
Mom & Dad - Baby wrangler and setup
MP - Cake Boss
MW- Photographer
S. - Videographer

Mail Invites

I designed the invites myself and if you don't mind me floating my own boat, I will do so.

I am mailing them out like post cards. This is the front (I blocked out our last name and any information related to our home or city.)

The back has all of the party information on it. Once again I blocked out all of the information so there won't be any creepos showing up for cake and ice -cream.

If I am anything, I am a list-make and an organizer. I'll keep you posted of our progress until the big day!

UPDATE! ALSO SEE:

Planning A Birthday Party: Two Weeks In Advance

Planning A Birthday Party: One Week In Advance

Planning A Birthday Party: Two Days In Advance

Planning A Birthday Party: The Big Day!

Baby Steps -- For Everyone

2010-09-13T10:49:00.001-04:00

W. and I are taking a note from Jellybean and have begun to take some baby steps of our own. We have a lot to work on. Nearly all of it stems from his need for psychological help. Now that he is moved out, he will not be moving back in without getting help.

So for now, he comes over a few days a week to visit with us. As a matter of fact, he has spent more time with Jellybean now than when he actually lived with us. Which I don't get at all but I'm not about to complain about it.

The point is: Jellybean and her dad are having a relationship. Regardless of the status of my relationship with him, it is so important that they have one.

Crazy-Eyed Jellybean

2010-09-10T10:15:00.005-04:00

Is there a parent out there who's child is not on a pedestal? My daughter is held in such a high place in my heart, it is difficult to accept that anything might be even a little wrong with her. A slow learner? No, no. My baby girl is even advanced. Fussy? No, never. My baby girl is always happy-go-lucky.

Sigh.

I hate to confess that sometimes when she is tired, stressed, or just looks up at a funny angle, one of her eyes (usually the left) turns in slightly. It is--I think--not very noticeable. I can't tell if it is "not noticeable" because it really isn't, or because she is my perfect little princess and a lazy eye would be... well... not perfect.

It's not ridiculously bad. But lately I have been noticing it more and more. Our family doctor says it is nothing to worry about, but my momma-instincts are telling me that it probably wouldn't hurt to get the opinion of a specialist. So Jellybean has her first Ophthalmologist appointment next week.

Of course, as a parent, the worse case scenarios run through my mind. What if she has to have surgery? What if it isn't fixable or just gets worse? Or what about those pain-in-the-ass glasses at such a young age? I suppose that glasses are a lot cuter than a lazy eye, but I don't think there is any way we could force her to keep glasses on, short of sewing them onto her face...

My feelings on this issue are so torn. I feel terrible for even noticing that she has (kind of?) a lazy eye and I think I might be making mountains out of mole hills. On the other hand, how can I just is idly by while she potentially suffers? More of that mom guilt we all know so well.

Baby Steps

2010-09-07T13:31:00.001-04:00

It happened!

Jellybean took her first steps. TWO of them! Right in the middle of the living room floor.

With the holiday weekend here, I decided to take a vacation day today to stay home and enjoy the day with her. I wanted to work on some skill building like putting blocks in a bucket, learning a new word and working on the walking. I wasn't quite expecting her to actually do it today! And to think, if I hadn't taken this vacation day I wouldn't have gotten to see it happen.

I am going to try to catch it on tape and post it a little later. For now, we are eating a victory banana and mac-n-cheese. The real kind, not the healthy kind, because she earned it!

Healthy...ish

2010-09-03T17:42:00.001-04:00

For anyone who remembers (or cares) about my nutrition dilemma, I think I have figured out the solution. See, Jellybean is in that awkward stage between baby food and table food; she loves to pick up mac-n-cheese with her fingers and eat it, but our doctor warned us against the preservatives that are in the cheese.

The solution? Boil some macaroni noodles and toss out that bag of cheese-like-product. Instead, mix in two jars of whatever kind of pureed veggie your baby likes. For Jellybean, we used Gerber's Farmer Market Vegetable Blend.

The look on her face told me she was expecting something a little different, but she got used to it. I think since she is starting this food so young that it might be a favorite treat down the road when the picky-eating-preschooler phase rears its ugly head.

Made With Love By Grandma

2010-08-30T11:34:00.001-04:00

Jellybean's middle name is special. Rianna. Not just a pretty name, it is also very meaningful.

When I was pregnant, W. and I lost two grandmothers. "Ri" comes from my Grandma Rita, who we lost in May 2009 due to a long battle with diabetes and congestive heart failure. And "anna" comes from W.'s Grandma Anna Louise, who passed away in March 2009. There is a stupid joke on W.'s side of the family that the news of our unexpected pregnancy is what killed her. Yeah, I don't hear any of you laughing either.

Jellybean would have been Grandma Rita's first great-grandchild. And no one was more excited than Grandma Rita. She even began to sign her emails as "G.G." (for "Great-Grandma"). Unfortunately, soon after we found out about the pregnancy, her health took a turn for the worse. She spent the next few months in between hospitals and nursing homes.

Hospice had just helped us move her back into her home the day she passed away. At four months pregnant, my belly was just starting to pop out. If you hadn't been looking for it, you might not have even noticed the little baby-bump that was forming. While Grandma was laying in her bed with her C-PAP still attached to her face, my mom grabbed her hand and laid it gently on my belly. "This is your first great-grandchild, Mom," she said. That moment is still so clear and so beautiful to me. Three, almost four, generations held together with one touch. She left us that evening, after only starting to crochet a white blankie for the baby-to-be.

When we went through her belongings after she passed, I scavenged her closets for any baby clothes that she may have sewn. I was in luck. We found several outfits she had made and attempted to sell on eBay. Thank goodness they never sold. These outfits may not be as fashionable as what you will find at Gymboree or Children's Place, but I have never seen my baby girl wear anything more beautiful.

G.G. would have been so proud.

He Left.

2010-08-29T18:37:00.002-04:00

Eight days ago. And I'm not complaining. (I was already taking care of Jellybean without his assistance anyway.)

After a late night argument and hearing him say some inexcusable things about our daughter, I was completely ready to let him go. He told me that having her was a mistake and that she is the reason our relationship crumbled and we "live poor."

What would you have done?

So he left last Saturday afternoon, and by Sunday evening I had the locks changed, screen door (that had been broken for over a month now) fixed, and the entire apartment clean of drugs and alcohol (and stress!). I haven't felt this great in such a long time. Even my babysitter mentioned how happy Jellybean has been this past week.

Truth be told, I have been ready for this for a while. Part of me struggles with the fact that this probably isn't what God wants me to do. But another part of me knows He will forgive me--again and again. I mean, He is a parent too, right?

Ode To New Motherhood

2010-08-25T11:03:00.001-04:00

When the spare bedroom is no longer spare...

...and your Coach purse hangs in the closet while the Pooh Bear diaper bag hangs proudly on your shoulder.

When the phrase, "Check out that cutie by the pool," takes on a whole new meaning...

...and thunder thighs are actually kinda cute.

Girls' Night Out doesn't even compare to Girls' Day In...

You stop feeling sorry for the people who are schlepping strollers and bag after bag of kids' stuff around the mall...

...and you start feeling sorry for the ones who aren't.

Because every day you get to look into beautiful, perfect eyes...

...and when those eyes stare back at you with more love than any one heart can bear...

...you can't help but wonder how you ever lived without them.

WIC vs. MAD

2010-08-20T16:13:00.001-04:00

I don't qualify for WIC.

Which is, for some reason, absolutely shocking to other parents my age. When I tell them that I don't get WIC their eyes widen, jaws drop a little, and sometimes they manage to utter, "Huh...?" They can't seem to figure out how Jellybean and I aren't living in a cardboard box behind Burger King without government assistance.

My family falls in the unfortunate category of making juuuust too much money to qualify for WIC, but also juuuust too little money to have anything left over after rent. However, having no brothers or sisters, I do qualify for MAD. What is MAD, you ask? Mom And Dad.

That's right. My parents buy Jellybean's baby formula. Without me ever having to ask. Although I am extremely grateful, I am also a little embarrassed. When I come home from work and see a case of Simliac sitting on my doorstep I experience mixed emotions of relief and shame. It isn't easy to admit that I can't take care of my daughter all on my own.

"We don't do it for you, we do it for Jellybean," my mom tells me. But I should be doing it for Jellybean.

It's always the guilt that gets us, isn't it, moms? I put so much effort into making sure that she gets good nutrition, regular doctor checkups, lots of love, quality time with me, quality time with all grandparents, and everything else all while holding down a full time job--and I will float my boat and say that I'm doing a damn good job. But at the end of the day, I still need help. By myself, I am unable to provide her with formula, a college fund, or even a father who cares enough to spend a little time with her.

So, I still need help. I know how lucky I am to have parents like mine. I know how loved I am. You never realize quite how much your parents love you until you become one. I look at Jellybean with so much love there aren't even words for it and think, Wow. This is how much my mom loves me... So I suck it up and I accept the free formula. They're doing it for Jellybean. And, even if they don't say so, they enjoy being able to take care of me in this way. Because that's what MAD is all about.

Motherhood: What Not To Do

2010-08-18T13:58:00.000-04:00

Ever since I was a kid--even really young like six or seven years old--I had the idea of keeping journal or a running list of things that I didn't want to do to my children when they were older. Even at that young of an age, I realized that my parents had long forgotten what it was like to be seven years old. I knew (because they told me so often) that a lot of times they were doing something that I would understand better when I would become an adult and parent. Still, I thought they could do a better job at helping me to understand things or trying to be a bit more fair.

I am disappointed in myself for never starting that list. I think it would really help. However, I am still very much in touch with my inner-child. I have been told it is because I am still a child myself. Whatever the reason, I am not ashamed to admit that my T.V. is usually on Nickelodeon, even when my daughter is in bed. I cannot wait until my daughter is old enough to enjoy coloring, making beadie-buddies (does anyone else remember those?) and Play-Doh. Call me immature, but I think these attributes are going to make me a better mom in the future.

So here is the beginning of the list, from what I can remember thinking about as a child.

Notes To Future Amie: What Not To Do With Raising Children

Don't laugh at their hairstyles or clothing choices, even when they're four or five and it looks really, really ridiculous. I tried to braid my bangs when I was a child and my aunt and cousins laughed at my new do. I was so embarrassed and can remember thinking that just because I was a little kid didn't mean that I couldn't understand when I was being made fun of.
Approach the subject of crushes very seriously and do not tease or make a huge deal out of it. It is especially embarrassing for a daughter to be teased about a crush by her father, and for a son by his mother.
If I truly cannot keep a secret from my children's father, then don't promise them that I won't tell him. Honesty should be the best policy for all ages.
Don't lie. Ever. Be accountable for every word that comes out of my mouth. Even if I have to tell them that I will explain more after I gather my thoughts or when they are older.
Do not show signs of a low self-esteem in front of my children. Being humble is one thing, but calling myself ugly in front of little ones who look just like me is not going to do much for their confidence.
Sometimes kids really do forget why they did something. Don't call a child a liar unless I have proof.
My parents did not give me any chores at all. Ever. It has made me a very lazy adult. I can not, for the life of me, keep a clean house. There is a happy medium between making a child a workhorse and giving them no chores at all.
Don't assume that just because I did something bad as a teenager that my teens will do the same.
Don't tell a teenager that they have nothing to be stressed out about. Schoolwork, after-school jobs, social issues, and trying to figure out your entire future is extremely stressful. Just because they don't have bills to pay and children to take care of does not mean they are actually worry-free.
For teenagers, it is also very stressful to feel like an adult but to be under some one's thumb constantly. Imagine, as an adult, someone monitoring my work performance, spiritual performance, relationships, friendships, nutrition, sports, etc. etc. etc. While necessary, it is a genuine pain in the ass and I, as a parent, should be sensitive to that.

I know I had a lot more items I have thought about over the years. I will try to remember to add them as I think of them.

What I Am Thankful For

2010-08-13T08:53:00.000-04:00

In tough times, I have the tendancy to throw myself a pity party. But today I am going to think of everything I am thankful for, because it could always be worse. Afterall, when life hands you lemons... don't forget to say thank you. ;)

I am thankful that my babysitter lives right across the street from me.

I am thankful that my boss has six kids, and totally understands that when something is wrong with baby, she always needs her mama.

I am thankful that my mom makes the best potato soup EVER.

I am thankful that God is patient. Very, very patient.

I am thankful for really good health insurance in a really bad economy.

I am thankful that I finally started getting allergy shots. (Allergies make me miserable and we're almost to ragweed season... wait, that's not really thankful thinking...)

I am thankful to live in the era of digital cameras, cell phones/texting, emails, and blogs.

I am thankful that my boss is hardly ever in the office during the day, so I can do things like blog.

I am thankful for lemons...

Question For Christians

2010-08-09T09:40:00.001-04:00

My mom just called me this morning to tell me that one of her coworkers passed away yesterday afternoon, leaving behind a 13-year-old daughter. I used to babysit her daughter about eight years ago, but we haven't seen each other since. Being that we aren't close or anything, I am having a difficult time thinking of something to do for her that would be nice but not like who the heck is this lady and why is she in my business?

With a new school year right around the corner I thought about putting together a back-to-school package with pretty notebooks and folders with girlie designs, pens and pencils in fun colors, highlighters (I loved those in middle school) and maybe a cute journal. The main thing I wanted to find for her was a Christian book that would help her to keep her faith through all of this. I can't find anything specific to losing a parent or losing a mother, and maybe I don't want to get her anything that will rub that fact in her face.

I am at a loss of experience here. If anyone has any suggestions about a good Christian book for her, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to leave her name or information here, but God knows who you are praying for if you decide to do so.

Thank you!

Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?

2010-08-05T15:05:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was super excited that a friend was coming to visit. Most of my friends have moved away (temporarily, I hope!) for college and can only come into town a couple of weeks out of the year. Buttercup is one of them.

Last night, as we were gabbing on about this and that, she said the most dreadful sentence I've ever heard:
"So, Amie, have you lost any of your baby weight?"

WHAT?!?!?

I will have you know, dear blogging world, that I have lost at least half of that weight. I am even wearing pre-pregnancy pants right now. Who cares if they are so tight they look painted on? They're on, damn it!

Regardless, this was a wake up call. Even though I have lost quite a bit of the weight, it is probably a good time to start looking into dropping the last twenty or so pounds. I feel like if I don't lose it by Jellybean's first birthday then I might never lose it. And people are going to stop looking at me like the chubby girl who just had a baby and start looking at me as the fat girl who had a baby and stayed fat.

So here are my goals:
a) Figure out how much I weigh.
b) Figure out how much I need to lose to get back to 145.
c) Do it.
d) Wait for Butterncup to get pregnant and await apology.

10 Random Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Me

2010-08-04T11:19:00.001-04:00

10 Random Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Me
10. I think that potato chips taste best when they're just a little bit stale.
9.   I know they're gross, but I love the look of bowling shoes.
8.   I do all of my blogging from my desk at work.
7.   I can type 120 WPM.
6.   My cell phone is orange.
5.   I was a vegetarian for five years until I got pregnant.
4.   When I was a kid, I could draw my favorite cartoon characters to a T, but I cannot do it anymore.
3.   Although I poke fun at my friends who like the Twilight saga, my guilty pleasure is Degrassi: The Next Generation. I've been watching since I was 13, and I just can't break the addiction.
2.   Je parle un peu Francais.
1.   I have horrible, horrible allergies that bother me every day all summer long.

And Speaking of Nutrition

2010-07-28T09:54:00.001-04:00

Well, even though I have been asking about nutritious foods for my daughter... my parents decided to spoil her anyway with a creamstick. I mean, what are grandparents for, right? As aggrivating as it is to have parents that don't follow your rules, it did make some interesting photos...

"How was the donut, Jellybean?"

"Ohmigosh it was SOOOOO good!"

"But ohhhh I shouldn't have eated da whoooole thing..."

Nutrition Schmutrition

2010-07-26T19:20:00.002-04:00

Jellybean's nine-month check-up was on Friday. I am very proud to announce that Dr. Gray says she's in her twelve-month milestones already! Insert smug, braggy momma smile here.

I didn't have an encyclopedia's worth of questions this round, just one simple inquiry about Jellybean's nutrition. As in, what the heck am I supposed to feed this kid? It seems Pureed Peas and Fruit Medley (or Fruit Melody as my mom calls it lol) just aren't cutting it anymore. I thought that I was doing pretty well ripping up grilled cheese sandwiches and mac-n-cheese for her, but apparently preservatives are lurking in the delicious cheese just waiting to attack my baby's health at the first chew...

Those microwavable Gerber Graduates Lil Entres aren't doing the trick either. Although Puffs and Lil Crunchies are still favorites, child can not live on snacks alone. And isn't a strictly snacky diet just asking for bad habits later in life?

So I ask, all three of you who read this blog on non-You-Capture-days, what is a momma to do? Are frozen peas and canned green beans okay, or do they have to be fresh? Will homemade mac-n-cheese using grocery store ingredients make the cut, or is it out of the question all together?

You Capture - Black & White

2010-07-22T08:48:00.000-04:00

After really getting into the spirit of You Capture this week, I feel like I actually learned something. Picnik is my new BFF.

I tried taking these shots in all black & white, but my little beauty is so bright she just shines through ;)

Big blue eyes!

For more classy black & white shots, visit Beth at:

Onesies - A Great Shower Activity

2010-07-19T08:42:00.002-04:00

Our baby shower was a year ago today! Instead of those lame baby shower games that nobody likes, we had a pretty fun activity that was interactive, kept the kids busy, and gave Baby a sweet keepsake. I bought a few packs of different sizes plain, white onesies and some fabric markers. Everyone got to design a onesie for the baby to wear.

I have tried to take pictures of Jellybean wearing these hand-decorated onesies, but there have been some incidents--Jellybean growing too big before I got the chance for her to wear it, Jellybean soaking the onesie in runny poo, etc.--and I have not gotten pictures of ALL of them.

Here are a few, and it's always something fun to keep in mind for your next baby shower :)

This NB size is the one I designed. Notice the phrase "Potty Like A Rock Star" written on the butt, lol. No, I am not super-creative. I actually ripped off this slogan from a pair of pants I saw at Dollar General.

This fabulous example of "modern art" was done by my three-year-old cousin Eva. Not bad for a three-year-old, considering that those fabric markers are difficult to write with. You can see on the back where she tried to write her name.

Another NB onesie, but whoever designed it didn't write their name on the tag, so I don't know who did it.

0-3 months. My cousin is very artistic! The date below the duck is the date of the baby shower.

0-3 months designed by my husband. As you probably guessed, he is a Chevy guy. Sorry, Ford fans, you can see where you rank.

3-6 months by my dad.

3-6 months from a girlfriend of mine .

Another ducky onesie from my cousin. She must have been into ducks that day.

(3-6 months)

THE END!

(0-3 months by my husband lol)

Baby Don't Worry

2010-07-16T14:32:00.000-04:00

Is anyone else all sentimental and mushy since becoming a parent? I saw this on Nick Jr. last week and I love it. Especially the bats!

You Capture - Vehicles

2010-07-15T12:30:00.002-04:00

I was so lazy this week. I didn't actually take this picture while thinking of You Capture, but I did just take this shot on Monday, so I'ma say it still counts. I also don't know if this bike/quad thing my daughter is climbing on actually counts as a vehicle, but I'ma say it counts too.

This here, is Jellybean climbing onto her bike/quad thingy--I believe that is the proper term for this toy. Should I be scared? I mean climbing just seems like kind of a big deal. Kind of a big, dangerous deal.

For more You-Capture-appropriate shots, visit Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry.

I Find You Offensive For Finding Me Offensive

2010-07-09T13:11:00.001-04:00

There are so many things that you truly don't understand until you become a mother. For instance, how easily offended we are by the most innocent of comments made by others.

I've talked before about the stigma this culture has on young moms. According to most of my friends and coworkers, you have to be absolutely off-of-your-rocker, banging-your-head-into-the-wall, out-of-your-mind crazy to actually want to have a child in your early twenties. I haven't forgotten that Jellybean was an "OOPS baby," but an accident doesn't necessarily mean a mistake, right? You wouldn't believe--or maybe you would--how many times people have asked me if I wish I had waited to had kids. (I do not.)

"But, Amie, don't you find that there are certain challenges that come along with being a young mom?"

"Just the challenge of dealing with people who ask stupid questions..."

During a conversation with a coworker, she (is not yet a parent) said, "Well, obviously you wouldn't have chosen to be a mom at twenty-one." Is it unreasonable to be offended by this? I mean, isn't raising my daughter--therefore being a mom--my choice?

I remember when I was six or seven years old, I accidentally bumped the car parked next to ours with my mom's car door. And the car owner was sitting in the car. And she heard and saw everything. She didn't get out of the car, she didn't even roll down the window, all she did was glare at me through the windshield. My mom FREAKED. OUT. on this completely innocent lady. I pity the fool who looks at her child the wrong way...

One thing about being a parent, is we get the chance to be on both sides of this matter. More than likely, you have been on the offending side of the conversation. More than likely, feeling like an ass.

In some cases, I have even been offended when another mother was offended by me... I know, shut up. My friend's daughter was almost two at the time and she slapped my newborn in the face with a baby doll bottle. On instinct, I grabbed her hand just before she hit my daughter again and said, "NO," resulting in tears from her. Her mother--who, might I add, watched the entire thing without saying a word--was offended by the tone of voice I used towards her daughter... are you kidding me?

I wonder exactly what it is about childbirth that turns this...

...into this...

She Looks Like #1...

2010-07-07T16:27:00.000-04:00

...when she's going #2.

You Capture - Chair

2010-07-01T10:50:00.000-04:00

Inappropriate use of a highchair.

Goldfish, Cuteness, & A Law Suit

2010-06-30T12:58:00.001-04:00

WARNING: WHEN YOU VIEW THE PICTURES BELOW YOU MAY VERY WELL BE OVERCOME WITH COMPLETE JEALOUSLY OVER MY ADORABLE LITTLE BABY AND HER EQUALLY ADORABLE SWIMSUIT. Just sayin'.

I first saw this swimsuit at Gymboree in February.

I pointed, mouth wide open, "AAAaaaagggghhh! How cute! I MUST have this!" Obviously February in Ohio is too early to even think about swimming, let alone try to guess what size this little chunk would be in when the time came. (Why they were even on the shelves at this time is seriously beyond me.) So I waited a while.

BUT THEN Peppridge Farms filed a law suit against Gymboree for copying their Goldfish Crackers. Which I suppose is totally just, since if you take away the eyelashes on this goldfish, it would look exactly like the crackers. After this happened, the swimsuits were completely sold out of the stores and even online. NOOOOOOOOO! But wait... there is hope. eBay! Of course! I was locked in a week-long battle with another momma who really wanted it--but not badly enough to stay home from work on a Thursday afternoon to make sure she got the last bid in at exactly 3:24 p.m... but I did.

And we are just tickled about that.

Notes To Self

2010-06-28T14:17:00.001-04:00

Dear Future Amie,

Eight months ago you embarked on a never-ending adventure. There have been good times and there have been bad times. The truth is that those chubby cheeks and deep belly laugh are slowly but surely pushing away the memories of labor pains and colic. Oh, how easy it is to forget how badly it hurts to walk up and down stairs for six weeks or the sleepless nights that come along with a new baby. And without a doubt, Future Amie, the day will come when Jellybean is more of a kid than a baby, and you will let your guard down and make the decision to embark on another adventure—life with two children. Although I haven’t the slightest clue on how it will work, having a newborn and a toddler at the same time, but such is likely to be the case.

The first time around with Jellybean was unexplored territory. You experienced so much for the very first time. But as time goes by, those little tidbits of information you picked up along the way may very well become a distant memory, like the pain and fatigue that come along with new motherhood. So I thought ahead to write you a note so that you can focus more on the joy of a new baby and less on wondering why you forgot so much.

• Use the nurses at the hospital. Use the heck out of them. When you had Jellybean and they offered to keep her so you could sleep through the night, you chose to pass, saying that you would not have the nurses’ help at home and you needed to get used to it. I am telling you, crazy lady, those are the last two nights of sleep you will get for the next two or three months so don’t you feel a bit guilty!

• Breastfeeding is good and don’t forget it. You almost gave up on nursing Jellybean a few times, but you should be proud that you stuck with it. It hurts so badly at first, but do remember how it gets better! Don’t pass on giving your other babies the same good start that Jellybean had just because you have two children now. (Also—don’t be afraid to call a lactation consultant. If she didn’t want to be called at 2:00 a.m., well, then her card shouldn’t say, “Call Me Anytime!”)

• Remember what Similac Sensitive did for Jellybean.

• Stock up on some nice nursing bras. Three or four simply will not do. You will leak and leak and leak, and don’t you remember how miserable it was to sit around in a nasty milk-stinking bra for two hours while you wash more? Forget about it! I’m talking twelve or more bras. Nice ones—don’t even bother looking at the price tag. It’s so worth it. And don’t forget the shields!

• Make W. help you. Forget the fact that you are on maternity leave and W. is at work all day. Screw him! You are at home 24 hours a day taking care of the kids, the pets and the house—and he even gets a lunch break! He will need to take Jellybean off of your hands every day when he gets home from work, no matter how tired he is, and should be up with the new baby at least every third night. You did, after all, take care of this new baby for the last nine months, and fair is fair.

• Make it a point to find your “golden ticket” early on. Running the vacuum cleaner, cranking up heavy metal, and the sound of the breast pump all calmed Jellybean down, remember? And don’t freak out when what used to be your “golden ticket” is no longer working. It may change a few times, and then change again.

• Making a schedule for a newborn is much easier said than done. Even if you do, by some miracle, get one set—chances are it will change next week. Go with the flow and don’t put so much focus on the clock.

• Finally, Future Amie, I must beg you to please, please don’t even consider another one until Jellybean is out of diapers.

Sincerely,

Present Amie

I Know There's A Floor Under All Of These Toys...

2010-06-24T15:10:00.002-04:00

My daughter's toys are an epidemic and they're taking over the world! Okay, so really they're just taking over my living room. But still!

It is truly amazing how many toys we have accumulated in the past eight months. At this age, she's only bringing her toys out to throw them on the floor. And really, she's only eight months! If she is so happy playing with an empty pot and wooden spoon, then why does my living room look like a Fisher Price outlet? Somewhere under this sea of Little People and Weeble Wobbles (you know, the ones that don't fall down?) is beige carpet that I haven't seen in weeks.
We didn't bring this on ourselves. It's the grandparents. It's always the grandparents! They are constantly ~~bombarding us~~ generously giving us toys for Jellybean. Big toys, little toys, riding toys, crawl-through toys... I've had it!

This weekend is the final straw... we are going to begin our journey towards the destination of a toy rotation!

Any tips?

The Power of Prayer

2010-06-23T08:50:00.001-04:00

Okay WOW.

I definitely wasn't expecting W.'s mood to pick back up so quickly. We even got the chance to talk about it the other day while he helped me clean the house! We didn't go into great detail in our talk. Mostly, I got a lot of the same promises I've heard before. But just the fact that he is out of the slump can pull me into the greatest mood.

God always pulls it together in the end for us.

Saturday night he came home on time and spent the afternoon swimming with us in our neighbors' pool. (By the way, we have the coolest, nicest, most awesome, pool-owning neighbors ever!) It was Jellybean's first time swimming and she loved it. We brought her a sippy-cup and her Dora The Explorer bathtub toys. She leaned back and kicked like a little natural.

So, life should be getting back to normal around here.

Thanks for your kind words and your prayers for our family. :)

Support

2010-06-18T10:00:00.001-04:00

I gotta admit, when I typed that post yesterday I was craving some support. Some sisterhood, you know? The kind words still came as a surprise to me. Just knowing I'm not the only one out there who deals with something like this, and to know that I can share it with someone who won't tell me to leave him was pretty great.

Counselors and doctors are out of the question for now. I can nudge him in the right direction, I can be here for support, but I can't force him to get help that he doesn't want.

I appreciate your prayers more than anything. We're in week two of this slump and I'm already losing it. But even just typing it out makes me feel so much better. Relief.

Week two of the down spiral. I will bite my tongue. I will cry, pray, probably cry again. I'll eat a bucket of Ben & Jerry's AmeriCone Dream. And count my blessings (there are many). And enjoy this face peeking out from her Fisher Price house. "What's up, Mama?"

Marriage Trouble

2010-06-17T10:38:00.002-04:00

I haven't been writing much at all lately.

It's because my marriage is at one of those low points. I know that relationships aren't rainbows and floating hearts all the time. I know that after four and a half years of being together, things can't always be perfect. After all, we are completely different people today at 20/21 than we were at 16/17. (My husband is a year younger.) Marriages have ups and downs and right now we are just, well, down.

Young couples always have it at least a little rough, or maybe we just have enough people looking at us like we're children playing "house." My situation is a little different. I have suspected for some time now that W. might be bipolar. He will be wonderful W. for a few weeks, or even months. He will come home from work on time, love on our daughter, help my friends out with their cars (he is a mechanic) and generally be just a great guy. After a while, we start to see the other W. The guy who hates his friends, hates his wife, has a crappy job, crappy family, and who is convinced that we all would be better off without him.

I have heard that adult ADD can harbor the same symptoms. He was "diagnosed" to have ADD by some spiritualist that his mom took him to when he was a kid. (This guy had W. hold the medicine up to his chest and if he rocked back and forth, that meant he "needed" the medicine. Yeah... one of those guys.) But the reason I think it is probably Bipolar Disorder is that his mom was diagnosed with it... I think... who knows, really. Let me explain:

W. doesn't exactly come from the creme of the crop. There ~~is a reason~~ are many reasons he moved in with me and my parents before he graduated high school. He lived in our home town with his mother and his step dad, and sometimes his older sister. (His sister was in college.) I have seen his mother do things that I don't even want to think about long enough to type out. Things that I should have called the police over, but I was a stupid and insecure 17-year-old girl. Those incidents aside, she decided I was no longer allowed in the house when W. and I had been dating for a few months.

I could shock you for hours, literally hours, with horror stories about this woman. His dad is a little on the crazy side too. The man once told W. that he had lung cancer and was given six months to live. That was four years ago, and we've never seen any evidence that he might have cancer. Who does that? Who makes up cancer???

So W. hasn't exactly had the best role models of family life. This, and the fact that his parents obviously have some psychological issues, have led me to believe that he isn't just being a jerk--this is a much deeper problem.

It is inevitable that at some point during this low, he will tell me he is moving out. He might even go so far as to pack his bags and leave for a night. He always comes back. But it is scary, you know? He texted me yesterday and told me that he is starting to feel "screwed up in the head" again. He told me that he is having trouble focusing and sleeping. I am trying not to get upset that he is coming home in the middle of the night and leaving on his days off--not spending any time with Jellybean or me. He even made plans on Father's Day. His FIRST Father's Day!

The reason I am boring you with this is because I have no one to talk to. W. is impossible to communicate with at this point. Even if I try to be non-threatening about it, the conversation will angrily end before it begins. His family is, obviously, no help. My family and friends always get judgemental towards him during these times. He won't see a doctor.

I pray about it every day. And I have learned to ask God before I start a conversation or make a move. Through prayer, the only feeling I get is that I need to keep my mouth shut, try to make him as comfortable as possible, and keep on keepin' on. I know He wouldn't put it before me if I couldn't handle it. Still, I feel awfully close to a breakdown.

Cleaning And Scrubbing Can Wait 'Till Tomorrow...

2010-06-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

For baby's grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.

So...

(~author unknown~)

You Capture - FUN

2010-06-10T11:35:00.001-04:00

Fun is
Eating cruchies...

...teenage boys and baby toys (our neighbor)...

...and being totally adorable!

No such thing as too much fun! Check out

You Capture - Give Me Your BEST Shot

2010-06-03T10:22:00.000-04:00

This week's You Capture challenge was to take pictures all week and go with the best shot. I took plenty of pictures this week. Many had perfect lighting, perfect focus, etc. The picture I chose may not be the perfect picture, but none of my other shots captured such a perfect moment.

For the best of the best, visit I Should Be Folding Laundry.

9 Annoying Things Every New Mom Should Know

2010-05-28T15:16:00.003-04:00

1. Just so you know, every woman who already has children will begin every sentence to you with “Just so you know...” Since her baby is all of eight weeks older than yours, she is all-knowing and her comments and advice should be treated as nothing less than Gospel.

2. Don’t even bother with discount diapers. Seriously. The $3.99 you save is no where near worth all of the cute outfits you lose when they leak. I don’t know how Luvs makes enough money to actually purchase air time for commercials, but live and learn and don't buy Luvs. Huggies or Pampers are the only way to go.

3. Don’t stock up on tons of Dreft unless you plan on using it until your child goes to college. That stuff lasts forever. When our daughter a week old we cracked open the smallest size jug they sell. She is now 7 months old and we’re still using the same jug.

4. If you thought your parents were intrusive before, just wait—it gets worse. There is something about becoming a grandparent that makes you feel the need to insert yourself into every. Single. Event. Ever see that family at the zoo that has one small child and a posse of nine adults following her around? That's us.

5. It takes your breasts way too long to stop producing milk. I stopped nursing when her first tooth poked through two months ago—sounds reasonable, right?—and these darn things still produce. Oh, and hold on to that memory, they won't be firm again until you have another baby.

6. It’s okay to have that list of things that you aren’t going to do to your children when you become a mother, but try not to make a big deal out of it to others. Actually, never mentioning anything on that list out loud is probably your best bet if you aren’t looking forward to the big ‘ole slice of humble pie your family will be sure to serve you when you change your mind.

7. Three words: Dora. The. Explorer.

8. If you think dressing your little girl in frilly, pink dresses with pantyhose and big bows is going to make anyone realize that she is not a boy, you will be sorely disappointed. No human over the age of 65 is able to tell the difference between a baby boy and a baby girl. Even after you tell them your baby’s gender, you will still end up hearing something like, “He is so cute! May I hold her?"

9. Ohmygosh, save all of your boxes! It will fight against every natural instinct you have to throw out an old box, but packing up the out-grown baby swing into an empty diaper box is so impossible.

So these are the the 9 most annoying things I have come across in the past 7 months, and as you can see, none of those things are the baby herself. It's just the inevitable bullcrap a mother must put up with in order to experience the greatest adventure of her life.

I will tell you it is absolutely worth it. I won't tell you what I would like to say to my inlaws.

Failure to Ferb

2010-05-26T15:39:00.002-04:00

It only took me three nights of mental preparation to attempt the Ferber Method for getting Jellybean to sleep in her crib. It only took her zero nights to accomplish this. That's right, she slept through the night in her crip. On the first try. Sorry, other mothers.

Truthfully, I was a little disappointed. I was expecting to do something about the ordeal last night but she never gave me the chance. She cried one time at 12:35 a.m. and stopped by 12:38 a.m. Fine then. If nobody needs me, I'll be in my bedroom getting my beauty sleep. Or pouting.

Who's Side IS Time On Anyway?

2010-05-22T23:10:00.002-04:00

When I was a small child, I remember thinking that growing up was something that happened overnight. One day you wake up and you're a grown-up with a job and a house and you live on from there. As I got a little older, I realized that growing up isn't something that happens overnight, but actually very slowly over time. Every day you grow a little more and a little more for years, until life ends.

But as I look at the pictures hung on the walls of my home, I come to realize that I had it right the first time. Growing up may not actually happen overnight, but it sure does look that way, doesn't it? Just looking at those pictures takes me back to the days of birthday parties and loose teeth. The days of soccer practice and really big lollipops. I remember riding in the car with my parents really late at night from Grandma's house on Christmas Eve. While my parents were in the front seat worrying about speed limits and drunk drivers, I felt so safe and comfortable that I could just fall right asleep in the backseat, knowing that they would carry me to bed when we got home. They probably realized back then how quickly time was passing.

Fast forward to me in the sixth grade, sitting on my bed talking to my best friend, Amanda. I was telling her that I didn't like Heath anymore, but now I had a crush on Zach. I remember Amanda telling me that she liked to look at Joe's butt. We laughed. We knew that we were growing up, but it didn't seem too fast. In fact, it still seemed like it would be centuries before we were old enough to shave our legs, drive a car, or go on dates with boys.

But when I turned around, I was sixteen. I ran to my car after my summer job so I could go home and shower before my boyfriend came over. I thought it was total bull crap that we weren't allowed to go into my bedroom, but had to stay downstairs with my parents all evening. My mom told me I would understand some day. I do.

Then one day, just like I had imagined, I woke up and it was time to graduate. A week later I had a job as a full-time secretary. I got an apartment with my boyfriend. We got pregnant, we got married, the baby came, I blinked and she turned seven months old. What was I doing two years ago? Driving around town with my boyfriend, chucking beer cans at mailboxes? And now here I am, playing patty-cake and peek-a-boo. It's hard to believe how quickly life changes.

In the mean time, the dishes pile up, the bed is unmade, and the same load of laundry I started yesterday is still in the washer. But it can all wait until tomorrow because I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Ferber Method (A.K.A. Let-Your-Baby-Cry-It-Out-Because-You-Are-Terrible-Parents-Method)

2010-05-21T20:23:00.005-04:00

I am pretty strict when it comes to my daughter’s schedule. My husband has even gone so far as to call me (jokingly… I think) the Nap Time Nazi. Lunch at noon, nap at one, sieg hail! What can I say?... I enjoy sleeping through the night. And when Jellybean misses her nap, everyone is going to hear just how tired she is later.

I can still remember the first time she ever slept through the night. It was March 14, 2010—the happiest night of my life. She fell asleep in her pack-and-play in the living room, with the television on in the background. And since that day we have always put her to bed at 8:00 p.m., in the pack-and-play in the living room, with the television ON. Of course, teething, crawling, and other big milestones have kept her up through the night on several occasions. But the success rate of the 8:00-p.m.-in-the-pack-and-play-in-the-living-room-with-the-television-on procedure has far outweighed the rate of failure, so we haven’t messed with the system.

This evening, as we tiptoe around our sleeping baby and oh-so-quietly try to get a glass of water, a sandwich, or go to the bathroom, we are beginning to think that there might be some benefits to putting her to sleep in her crib. We have tried it a few times in the past, but it didn’t go over so well. So since then, the $559.99 crib has been put to excellent use by our cat, Dizzy.

So, at the fine age of seven months, I think it might be time to move my little bugaboo to her crib. We are going to try the Ferber Method, also known as the Let-Your-Baby-Cry-It-Out-Because-You-Are-Terrible-Parents-Method, or perhaps better known as the Get-Absolutely-No-Sleep-While-Trying-To-Put-Your-Child-To-Sleep-Method. For those of you who are interested in learning about this technique of self-torture, I will be sure to post our progress. (Or lack thereof.)

You Capture - Yellow

2010-05-13T10:57:00.003-04:00

This week's You Capture was easy for us, since Jellybean's bedroom is all yellow. Jellybean loves her bedroom. Somtimes she even just sits on the floor and touches the bright yellow wall. Below you can see pictures of her lightswitch plate, the lion knob on her closet door, her safarri-themed border and the sign on her bedroom door.

For more yellow than you can handle, visit http://www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com/

Accidents Happen

2010-05-12T16:15:00.004-04:00

Am I absolutely the worst mother in the world? In seven short months, I have bumped my daughter more times than I care to admit. But as long as my parents don’t know about this blog, I will admit these things to you:

The horrible things I’ve done to my daughter:

1. Bumped her head on the handle of the infant carrier while leaving the doctor’s at her two week checkup.

2. At about a month old, went to lift her legs up to change diaper but instead managed to slide her entire body upwards and bonked her head on the lip of the changing table.

3. At a few months old, turned a corner too sharp and hit her head on the door frame to her bedroom.

Noticing a theme here? It’ll be a miracle if she makes it to 3 years old without brain damage…

4. Passed out from exhaustion my first week back to work. With her in my arms. This one was the most serious, and resulted in a trip to the ER for both of us. The good news is that when I passed out I hit my head on the closet door (if you can really consider that good news…) and slid to the floor with her in my arms. She ended up landing in my lap, but we still had to go the ER. Three months old—baby’s first CAT scan! All came back clear for Jellybean, and I was granted permission to nap… as if.

5. During what was known in our household as the “Days of Colic” I fell asleep on the couch while I was holding her. She managed to wiggle the top half of her body from my arms and was hanging upside down off of the couch. That I woke up early is nothing short of a miracle from God.

6. While walking through the store, I handed her a toy without removing the piece of cardboard it was zip-tied to, and she cut her little gums while chewing on it. What was I thinking? Luckily, it healed fast. Now I rip the cardboard (AND zip-ties!) off of the toy before handing it to her to play with in the store.

7. About a month ago I put her down for a nap on my bed, surrounding her little body with pillows in case she happened to roll over in her sleep. Came back in to check on her 20 minutes later, only to see no baby on the bed and about half the pillows missing. Walked over to the other side of the bed and there she was, sleeping on her belly on top of a pile of pillows… PHEW!

8. Since she has been crawling, I will randomly be overcome with a strange feeling that sends me rushing over to see if she has something that shouldn’t be in her mouth. More often than not, she does. So far this past week I have removed a Dora the Explorer bandaid, a piece of foam from a slipper Tex tore up a month ago, an unknown piece of cellophane, and a dog toy from her mouth. It appears we are going to have to bump up our daily vacuuming to and hourly chore. I wonder how many things she has swallowed but luckily not choked on…?

So there it is. The confessions of an exhausted, unaware, completely paranoid, young mom. I can’t be alone here, right?

Dealing With Dora

2010-05-10T09:54:00.005-04:00

If you have daughters of any age, chances are you have caught a few episodes of Dora Dora Dora the Exploreeer, who’s a super-cool ex—stop it. Even as young as three months old, Jellybean has been absolutely fascinated with this show. Like every other American mother, I began parenthood with the famous last words “MY child will not watch any t.v. Ever. What’s the benefit? There is none! Nope. No-sir-ee, no t.v. for my little bundle of joy.” Three months and zero showers later, I changed my tune. What’s twenty minutes of a little Nick Jr. so I can shower/sleep/poop…?

So now, at the fabulous age of six and a half months, Jellybean loves Dora The Explorer. Loves. It. My husband and I, however… not so much. I think he actually yells at the screen more when Dora is on than he does when the Browns play. “What do you mean Swiper swiped your flute!? All you had to do was say ‘Swiper no swiping’ and he would have just snapped his fingers and walked away!”
After much detailed discussion, my husband and I have decided that Dora may have ingested some funny mushrooms. I mean, just look how big her eyes are... That fact alone will tell you that something is not right. Her best friend is a talking monkey with boots—something that I don’t even want to get into—and during one episode she actually needed a map to find her own house! I think our favorite episode is when Benny the Bull is trying to build a house. He is standing with his head stuck in what is basically a bird house, he looks at the screen and asks, “what’s wrong with my house?”

As much as we despise Dora, we will continue to watch her every Saturday morning from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m., to please our Jellybean. After all, you have to at least try to be interested in what your children enjoy. Yeah, it kind of sucks when it’s Dora the Explorer or Yo Gabba Gabba, but we will reap the benefits when it’s time for Playdo and Disneyland…right?

You Capture - Spring

2010-05-06T11:48:00.001-04:00

This week's You Capture challenge was Spring again. Which is just fine because we've actually had some decent weather, and a chance for our very first trip to the park! Enjoy :)

What is this green stuff? This is the first time she's ever been on the ground to touch the grass.

Ducks! Unfortunatley, someone must have beaten us to the park because these ducks were not even slightly interested in the popcorn we had.

All in all, it was a pretty good day at the park!

Young Moms

2010-05-04T14:35:00.002-04:00

Some moms get all the crap. Since when does age define how good of a mother you are? I have news for you, people: age is just a number. Age is the amount of years you have spent on this planet. Age does not make you a better, wiser, or more capable mother. It is education, experience, and the love in your heart that makes you a good mom.

There are all kinds of moms out there. Young moms, step-moms, foster moms, adoptive moms, birth moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, moms that never see their children at all... maybe you are one of these moms. Maybe you are a combination of two or more of these moms. Who is anyone to tell me that I am less of a mother because I am 21 and they are 32?

I may not be old enough to rent a car, but I am still capable of teaching her how to clap her hands, how to blow raspberries and how to say Mama. I will still help her with school projects and yell at her to clean her room, just like any other mom. I will tend to everything from booboos, to scraped knees, to broken hearts. I will be there to help her with those very first steps until she takes those steps across the stage when she graduates. And I will be there still when she dives into motherhood.

A good mom is a good mom because of the love that flows from her heart. This weekend is to celebrate us, ladies. Whether you are related to your child through blood, marriage, or months of paperwork, whether you are home pulling your hair out or at work wishing you were home, whether you are 16 or 60, happy Mother's Day.

You Capture

2010-04-29T13:52:00.003-04:00

If you haven't checked out Beth's blog I Should Be Folding Laundry, you should. It's awesome! She has an amazing story that is definitely worth reading. Each week she has You Capture, a weekly photo challenge.

This week's challenge is SPRING. Below is my entry. Enjoy :)

New Girl in the Motherhood

2010-04-22T16:26:00.003-04:00

Being a 21-year-old-full-time-working-mom with a new baby isn’t exactly a Huggies commercial…. In fact, some days it can be more like an episode of Survivor. For example, I am typing this as I am feeding my six-month-old daughter her nightly feast of pureed peas—which is sure to be such a messy endeavor that we will be forced to go straight to the bath tub afterwards—and I’m trying to figure out how peas managed to get stuck to my “Q” key even though I haven’t used that letter throughout this entire post.

I suppose it would make sense to start from the beginning… W. is my high school sweetheart. We have been together since my junior year—his sophomore year—in high school. That’s right, younger men are the bomb. (They follow directions better.) We actually got engaged in high school, but it took an unexpected pregnancy three years later to push us to actually follow through with it. Ten days after moving into our first apartment together and why was I too tired to unpack? Surprise! You’re going to be a daddy!

So we got married in August at seven months pregnant—now there’s a white-trash wedding for ya! The wedding day was a blast. I forgot the licenses at home, he forgot the rings at home, we saw each other four or five times before the ceremony… we didn’t plan ahead and ended up taking separate vehicles to the reception. I arrived 40 minutes before he did. The bakery had the wrong date for the cake. Our reception was in what is known as a “refurbished barn” and it was 80 degrees outside. We thought our wedding would go down in history as the worst wedding in the family…

(Until two months later when his sister had her wedding. S.’s wedding that was supposed to take place in a garden was pushed to a small gift shop when it started raining. Her reception was at the same barn but on the coldest, rainiest day in October.)

Our daughter was born on October 19th. Her nickname on this blog is Jellybean. She has so far proven to be the best thing. Ever.

So here we are. In a small apartment with a baby, a dog, and a cat. It’s about to get interesting.